Getting lost in intrusive thoughts

In my depression, I found myself thinking about a woman I used to know. We were close, until she disappeared then came back to end things altogether. I keep thinking about that being my fault somehow, and that I should have done more, done SOMETHING to stop her leaving. It's still unclear, but I think I may have loved her to some extent? She said I was the first man she'd ever really loved, but that's probably why she left: I'm not worth loving.

I'm going to go and play some more Settlers 3 or something. It's my favourite management/strategy game, and has been since I got a copy for Christmas in about 2003.