Do you feel like you have any direction or drive or passion or goals or dreams in your life ?
Direction ? Not really. I live from day to day mostly.
Drive? yes a little. My 5 y/o and adult kids give me that.
Passion? Definitely (but it's nothing to do with romantic passion). I have hobbies and interests but don't know anyone else with the same (or similar) to socialise with.
Dreams? No. Couldn't ever make them reality anyway. Especially the erotic ones.
Goals? No. Apart from wanting to own my own property before I'm 70 to leave a good financial asset for my kids.
I've never been a goal setter and gave up setting long term goals a heap of years ago after my first LTR fell apart. At least I could see I was primarily at fault for that.
I'm a deep thinker and I take everything at face value (esp people). But I find it very hard to stop worrying about what other's think of me and develop positive thoughts about myself that I can project outwardly towards others. I don't really have any self-confidence socially, I'm ashamed of my inability to be sexual/intimate, and never had any recognition of self-worth/esteem.
I'm completely introverted and prefer to be by myself at home with nobody else (adult-wise). Probably why I became a train/locomotive driver and have never changed out of that type of irregular shiftwork career. I originally was trying to do engineering at uni after high school and when I failed that miserably and got zero emotional support from anyone especially my parents I think that cemented the 'you are no good for anything and just have to do everything for yourself' thinking that's sort of been my mantra all through adult life.
When I used to be a raver in my 20's I always went by myself, partied by myself, didn't engage in any of the drugs, or the sex, or make friends. I became adept at 'ghosting' any group of friends I was with the instant I felt socially uncomfortable and had anxiety attacks about being out in public because I don't understand adult social dynamics. Especially all the stuff about attraction and love and flirting, etc. To this day I am totally scared/frightened of intimacy though there have been rare times I overcome that and have wonderful experiences (though nothing in recent years).
I've tried all sorts of things - counselling, etc. I outright refuse to do any drugs inc anti-depressants as I've seen what they do to other people. My one 'drug' is coffee. Black, strong, zero moo poison. My other drug is waking up alive from one day to the next and being able to feel like I enjoy my situation even though I don't like it much.
Drive? yes a little. My 5 y/o and adult kids give me that.
Passion? Definitely (but it's nothing to do with romantic passion). I have hobbies and interests but don't know anyone else with the same (or similar) to socialise with.
Dreams? No. Couldn't ever make them reality anyway. Especially the erotic ones.
Goals? No. Apart from wanting to own my own property before I'm 70 to leave a good financial asset for my kids.
I've never been a goal setter and gave up setting long term goals a heap of years ago after my first LTR fell apart. At least I could see I was primarily at fault for that.
I'm a deep thinker and I take everything at face value (esp people). But I find it very hard to stop worrying about what other's think of me and develop positive thoughts about myself that I can project outwardly towards others. I don't really have any self-confidence socially, I'm ashamed of my inability to be sexual/intimate, and never had any recognition of self-worth/esteem.
I'm completely introverted and prefer to be by myself at home with nobody else (adult-wise). Probably why I became a train/locomotive driver and have never changed out of that type of irregular shiftwork career. I originally was trying to do engineering at uni after high school and when I failed that miserably and got zero emotional support from anyone especially my parents I think that cemented the 'you are no good for anything and just have to do everything for yourself' thinking that's sort of been my mantra all through adult life.
When I used to be a raver in my 20's I always went by myself, partied by myself, didn't engage in any of the drugs, or the sex, or make friends. I became adept at 'ghosting' any group of friends I was with the instant I felt socially uncomfortable and had anxiety attacks about being out in public because I don't understand adult social dynamics. Especially all the stuff about attraction and love and flirting, etc. To this day I am totally scared/frightened of intimacy though there have been rare times I overcome that and have wonderful experiences (though nothing in recent years).
I've tried all sorts of things - counselling, etc. I outright refuse to do any drugs inc anti-depressants as I've seen what they do to other people. My one 'drug' is coffee. Black, strong, zero moo poison. My other drug is waking up alive from one day to the next and being able to feel like I enjoy my situation even though I don't like it much.
