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Love yourself enough to forgive yourself

I tend to over-think about things that happened in the past, and beat myself up over them, but slowly I learn, that forgiveness is so much more important to healing and moving forward and it got easier for me when I remember someone wise told me many years ago: Giving up the hope that the past could be any different. Realize that hopes are better spent on the future you are choosing and living in.
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Incognitochick · 41-45, F
So true.
Becksta · 36-40
One of the hardest things in life is to forgive yourself... for the things that you couldn't help...
[@421598,Becksta] Those are extreme situations in which no one has a right to judge you and your actions.
Becksta · 36-40
[@7972,RobinPhoenix] It doesn't mean that you don't judge yourself and play the "If only..." game, though - even though you know that you couldn't do anything differently to what you did in that situation. Sometimes, we are our own harshest critics.
[@421598,Becksta] Absolutely right. I know many situations in which I have blamed myself afterwards about why I acted in this way and not differently. This time of self-reflection is important but it takes time to accept your actions and forgive yourself.
Abstraction · 56-60, M
My brother taught me chess when I was about six so he could play someone. To stop me realising I was about to lose, wiping the pieces off the board and sulking... he'd offer to turn the board around. Now I had all the pieces and he only had a few. Then he'd beat me from there.

Lesson? There's always a [u]next best move forwards[/u] from any position you are in, in your life. You won't see it if you continue to beat yourself up for getting into the mess.
Angelbrat · 26-30, F
I am exatly as you mein onkel.
[@338252,Angelbrat] :* <3
[@338252,Angelbrat] :)
Angelbrat · 26-30, F
[@7972,RobinPhoenix] 🥰🤭😚
Eeyore122 · 31-35, F
Oh gee, we are the same. Except I havent learned.
[@8560,Eeyore122] You will learn it because you need to learn it as the sensitive person you are.
So true...we learn as we go. And forgiving ourself and others takes a large heart. 🧡
[@372543,Vivaci] I agree, but its easier said then done.
Becksta · 36-40
So often, I talk to people who have endured abuse about forgiveness - and right away, they tend to think that it's for the monsters who hurt them.

That's not the case at all... when I speak of forgiveness, I ask them to forgive themselves - for every "stupid" decision that they made because they couldn't see another way through.

I'm still a work in progress as far as forgiveness goes - though I don't think I will ever be able to forgive those who hurt me so much. Not least because they can't accept that what they did to me was terrible at the time or the fact that I am left living with the scars of what they did to me for the rest of my life.
[@421598,Becksta] Actually I am quite good at forgiving myself, but in this case I realize that it is not always so "easy" after all, but hard work and a long way to go until I will have reached this point. And I know why it is so hard, because those who put me in this position are not aware of their wrong against me or do not want to acknowledge it.

But what I am going through is nothing compared to what you (and others) have gone through. These monsters you speak of hurt you then and continue to hurt you because they don't take responsibility for their actions and that's just cruel and inhumane, that's why (and also because of what they did to you before) you rightly call them monsters. They have lost any right to be called human beings, because they have lacked any humanity towards you, any consideration or care and not only once, and that is, as you rightly say, unforgivable.

Nevertheless, it is important that you can forgive yourself at some point, whereby I say quite clearly that you are not to blame for what happened, you have done nothing wrong, but only these monsters. You were a child, and children can never be responsible for what is done to them, no matter what they do or say. You are and you were innocent of the crimes they did to you.
Reflection2 · 36-40, M
For others, I am very forgiving but not for myself
Eeyore122 · 31-35, F
[@830055,Reflection2] we should form a group here...
Reflection2 · 36-40, M
[@8560,Eeyore122] let's do it
Eeyore122 · 31-35, F
[@830055,Reflection2] ok.
Peaches · F
You're [i]right! 💓[/i]
[@364304,Peaches] You seem to know these situations, so I would like to know: Did you learn to forgive yourself?
Peaches · F
[@7972,RobinPhoenix] For the most part I have. 😔

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