Love is AOK, but not motherly love.

I’m A-OK with love. I’m a Christian, and love is what we’re all about, so it would be a bit hypocritical not to like love. But we all know that there are different types of love. Most are totally cool and even desired by me. I love brotherly love. In fact, I often crave it, since I was raised an only child, and there are only a couple of friends that I have that brotherly love with.

I also enjoy—and crave—romantic love. I’ve been single for almost a decade, so yeah, I crave that for sure. I love holding hands, kissing, and general romantic affection from a girlfriend.

Even fatherly love is nice on occasion, although not as much as the others. The other two see each other as equals and allow for plenty of independence. You’re there for each other when you need each other, one person doesn’t need the other person more or less than the other needs the one. So it’s pretty great in that way.

Fatherly love is still nice though, even though it implies a bit of authority. Fathers are generally good at encouragement. At least mine is. When you’re down, depressed, sick, or poor, a good father will say, “I believe in you! You can do it! You’re capable.”

But then there’s motherly love. I know I should appreciate it just as much as, if not more than, the others, but I just…

Don’t.

It’s icky. Gross. Repulsive.

Coddling, nurturing, protecting. No. I don’t want that. I don’t like it. Dare I say I even hate it? I don’t want protection. I want to be encouraged and assured that I can protect myself. That I can nurture myself. I know I can do these things because I do them regularly,

But whenever I’m with my very loving (perhaps too loving?) mother, she makes me doubt myself. I know that’s not her intent, but the way she does and says things just makes me feel like a five year old boy who can’t feed himself.

She worries…and worries…and worries.

I know I should appreciate it while she’s still here…and I do care about her, at least I think so…but the way she loves me is just…

Gross. It makes me shiver. If my girlfriend reaches out to hold my hand, I happily return the favor. If my best friend goes in for a hug, I’m all for it. But if my mom as much as touches my shoulder, my first instinct is to slap it away.

It’s repulsive. I don’t want or need to be protected, worried about, or given unsolicited advice. I just want to be left alone until *I’m* ready for interaction. Not when she’s ready, because that’s every two seconds.

But it’s not just her. Like I said, it’s that style/type of love in general.