Only the Light
Pain fills my heart today, on a day when it should be full of smiles and laughter.
Don't get me wrong, I have spent precious time with important people today and laughed until I cried, ate, drank and savoured every minute with those I love and hold dear.
Sitting here alone, in the ends of the day, my mind wanders to losses I have had in recent months and I find tears rolling without me really wanting them to. Both my Grandad and also one of my best friends are sadly not with me for the first time this year.
I will be fine is what I told myself. I won't notice- it is another day on the calendar of life where people spend time together and make niceties due to the time of the year, but they don't always mean it.
It is only when you have this loss, this hole in your heart that doesn't seem to be filled. The hole that takes the air from your lungs and hurts everything that you are; this hole that won't heal...it is only then it hits you like a freight train that you have lost something.
Life won't ever be the same without two of the strongest influences I had in it. But the path still needs to be followed. The strength and determination to move forward still needs to be present. Both of these men wouldn't want me to crumble.
I will not let them down. The road may be difficult and, at times, feel impossible, but I will not let them see the darkness of the road. Only the light will prevail.
Don't get me wrong, I have spent precious time with important people today and laughed until I cried, ate, drank and savoured every minute with those I love and hold dear.
Sitting here alone, in the ends of the day, my mind wanders to losses I have had in recent months and I find tears rolling without me really wanting them to. Both my Grandad and also one of my best friends are sadly not with me for the first time this year.
I will be fine is what I told myself. I won't notice- it is another day on the calendar of life where people spend time together and make niceties due to the time of the year, but they don't always mean it.
It is only when you have this loss, this hole in your heart that doesn't seem to be filled. The hole that takes the air from your lungs and hurts everything that you are; this hole that won't heal...it is only then it hits you like a freight train that you have lost something.
Life won't ever be the same without two of the strongest influences I had in it. But the path still needs to be followed. The strength and determination to move forward still needs to be present. Both of these men wouldn't want me to crumble.
I will not let them down. The road may be difficult and, at times, feel impossible, but I will not let them see the darkness of the road. Only the light will prevail.
36-40, F
