16F im so desperate to get high and addicted again
I was kinda forced to go sober cuz i wasted almost two years of my life getting high (oops) and im not against it that they'd make me stop, im studying for important stuff now and it's nice seeing life sober after i got so used to seeing it with visuals all the time, but it's not like studying is exciting and I can't stop thinking about getting high again, I keep imagining what it used to be like.. if i were to smoke again and feel the taste of the flower the feeling in my lungs and stomach, but then suddenly i realize another year has passed, and i wasted it. But next time I have access to drugs I won't even try, Ill let it spiral down, skip school every day to mix drugs almost every day again, the way I'd wake up with the inside of my cheeks all bitten and fcked up from the grinding of my teeth, and I know it'd end up badly again, but before that there's a couple weeks that it's so worth it for... When I'd look in the mirror and my pupils were dilated and my face looked so ugly my teeth yellow and with build up. when I'd get home and my parents talked to me and their eyes and mouths and nose doubled, i mean it was just the visuals but something about it feels so good, like it's worth wasting another year for. When I woke up and the ceiling looked just white again, the paintings on my walls didnt move RAHHHH I MISS IT I don't need a bf it isnt fulfilling enough I thought it would be, i don't need to create good habits i thought it'd fulfilling, it's not, i don't need friends it's not fun like i imagined itd be. I need access to drugs again
I wonder if as an adult I'll regret having done this before having made like at least 17
i found some old seeds of weed, i planted them, i don't know how to make them sprout, should they be in the sun or in the shade? Should I water them a lot or not at all? What about after they sprout, what if i take too long to kill the male plants and when my plants finally give flower they won't be that good because itll put it's energy into the seeds and not the flowers? Its not gonna be so worth it weed is kinda boring, or maybe after being sober so long it'll make me have visuals like it made me have the first time I tried it
it seems like nobody else who did this before 16 exists. it's crazy so many people go their whole life not having even gotten drunk once I wonder if my life would've been better if I had waited to 17 to do drugs like my brother, or maybe I'd still be a little bitch like I used to be. i wish I could meet an adult who's done this as a kid too, i don't have questions to ask, and I don't think they'd have answers i don't have, but I've never related to anyone else with this things, what's it like being sober for like a whole year? What's it like when you're sober for a long time and do drugs again? Is it like the first time, or is it disappointing? I don't regret having done it, well actually I kinda regret a lot of it but I only regret the things I did while high i dont regret getting high.. well I kinda regret doing LSD multiple times a week, I think it made me rll stupider im pretty sure I didn't use to be this dumb. i know, i will one day have access to drugs again and next time, i won't have anyone to force me to stop
Sorry for the long text
I wonder if as an adult I'll regret having done this before having made like at least 17
i found some old seeds of weed, i planted them, i don't know how to make them sprout, should they be in the sun or in the shade? Should I water them a lot or not at all? What about after they sprout, what if i take too long to kill the male plants and when my plants finally give flower they won't be that good because itll put it's energy into the seeds and not the flowers? Its not gonna be so worth it weed is kinda boring, or maybe after being sober so long it'll make me have visuals like it made me have the first time I tried it
it seems like nobody else who did this before 16 exists. it's crazy so many people go their whole life not having even gotten drunk once I wonder if my life would've been better if I had waited to 17 to do drugs like my brother, or maybe I'd still be a little bitch like I used to be. i wish I could meet an adult who's done this as a kid too, i don't have questions to ask, and I don't think they'd have answers i don't have, but I've never related to anyone else with this things, what's it like being sober for like a whole year? What's it like when you're sober for a long time and do drugs again? Is it like the first time, or is it disappointing? I don't regret having done it, well actually I kinda regret a lot of it but I only regret the things I did while high i dont regret getting high.. well I kinda regret doing LSD multiple times a week, I think it made me rll stupider im pretty sure I didn't use to be this dumb. i know, i will one day have access to drugs again and next time, i won't have anyone to force me to stop
Sorry for the long text
16-17, FNew
