im trying to get better but why do i always end up in the same place?
i hate the fact that every single time i try to improve and try to get better i always fall back into my stupid, exhausted, insignificant kind of mind. And believe me i really do want to get better and i want my family to be proud of me for finally getting better but i always come back? like whats wrong with me. can my stupid little brain just fucking listen for once. like one thing can mess me up for a fucking week. like sometimes the things my parents can say can make me really sad. like one time i got a 75% for a test and they asked me "did you try your hardest?" like ofc i did im trying my hardest to stay fucking alive but i cant bring that up cos my stupid little brain struggles to communicate my feelings whether they be romantic or sad. this shit is just so fucking exhausting like myself i have an obligation to be the role model for the family since i was the "good middle child" but now i cant do anything, i cant motivate myself to do anything and all i do is sit on my ass and play stupid little games on my stupid little ipad to make me feeling smth. like what do i need to do. what else can i fucking do. my parents said they would try and get me therapy but that didnt fucking happen so what do i do i tried fucking everything and it doesn't work