Babble Rant Venting

Dear SW Diary,

My best friend is in a controlling relationship for over 12 years she wont leave she doesnt want to. Shes essentially a caged bird. She wont leave because the guy makes good money and she thinks its easier to not have any freedom than work and provide for yourself (even though she does have a fulltime job) shes said she loves him and he buys her stuff.. whatever besides the point really just clarifying why shes with him.

Their house is like the big brother house. Therss nanny cams everywhere. He BF can see and hear everything that goes on in the house. He calls her throughout the day and he belittles here. She isnt allowed to do anything.

They had a baby shes 3 YO now. She still sleeps in a crib, bars up, in their bedroom ... and she turns 4 in April so she should be starting school but my friends BF wants her to work from home so she can homeschool their daughter because he cant watch her in school... shes clearly brainwashed or something because she thinks she can work 9 to 5 at home and homeschool her daughter and shes also pregnant with her 2nd so she will have a newborn on top of all that.

I tried to tell her thats insane and i have a newborn and i cant hardly take a shit let alone work and take care of a toddler all at once! Thats crazy! But she took it like i was judging her and got defensive. She said her daughter was the perfect baby that never cried and sat in her chair all day. I said okay but its not realistic to think all babies are that way.

I stopped and thought its not worth losing a friendship ive had for over 10 years to prove a point she clearly isnt allowing herself to see and she will learn the hard way anyways so i just offered support and told her online there are homeschooling curriculums she can print off.

Later on she messages me about my ex husband which is a triggering topic for me as i was mentally abused in that relationship for 7 years and she knows i hate talking about him but she goes on to say she knows i dont like talkong about him but she found a video online about a kid with OCD and on the spectrum who was screaming and having a meltdown over silly things and said that reminded her of my ex and i should watch the video ...

I reiterated i dont like talking about him. Im very happy in life right now and im very glad i eventually came to my senses and didnt allow myself to be miserable my whole life but id rather not watch the video and dont want to talk about him.

She responded with Hahaha ok going to bed goodnight ...

Like wtf was that about?

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GLITTER · 36-40, F

Maybe she’s trying to hurt you with that as she didn’t like what you were saying about her. Either way it seems she has to wake up and realise her situation if she won’t see it from anyone else. If she doesn’t want to move on because she’s comfy where she is what more can you do except offer support and friendship and be there when it all comes down again

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GLITTER · 36-40, F

@DarkSideoftheMoon desperate people do desperate things, it’s obviously a projection to try and make her feel better about her situation

GLITTER · 36-40, F

@DarkSideoftheMoon it’s silly for her to be like that though since you’ve been through the exact same thing, you could be an asset in helping her through it

DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F

@GLITTER exactly its how we became so close in the beginning because we were able to relate to eachother and support eachother but i left and she stayed and i guess thats the issue now. Im just like the rest of the world judging her and not sulking with her instead. Maybe it was her way of reminding what shes going through as ive been in a similar situation but its difficult to watch when i know its not just affecting her anymore but theres kids involved

deadgerbil · 26-30

Looks like she wanted to lash out at you and probably feels jealous or bitter that you're not in the same toxic mess that she's in. Sucks that a friend of so many years is acting like a child.

DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F

@deadgerbil yeah i feel so crap now like it gave me ptsd or something im really disappointed she did that to me

deadgerbil · 26-30

@DarkSideoftheMoon she's probably feeling a lot of doubt etc about her situation but she has no excuse to throw that stuff on you

DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F

@deadgerbil ive distance myself from her lots but i think its best maybe to keep it that way.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

This reminds me of one couple who had several daughters and sons. No one knew they had children because they locked them inside of the house all of their lives. The neighbours thought they were weird but had no clue what was going on. The children were aged 7-16 when one had the idea to escape and find help. They did terrible things to those children when no one knew they existed.

V00doo

Ouch.

If she is doing the homeschooling thing, she'll be checked up on by ofsted as she has to register etc... mostly for the safeguarding of the child so theyre not lost.

He sounds horrid. As does your ex. But it's not a safe environment for her or the kids. Mentally, she's brainwashed, or just trying to convince herself it's right because she's stuck.

DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F

@V00doo shes in the US. So it would be nursery i believe. She says its not mandatory to send them to nursery (preschool) but i dont remember it that way... i told her to speak to the school as they know more than us and she said she did 🤷

Yeah i think the same way. Im just tired of the drama back home. Seems like all my friends in the US has some insane dramas going on all the time. I try being supportive and then they lash out at me so now i think im just going to focus on a healthier lifestyle and avoid drama where i see it.

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