I just wish I can achieve it
This past 2 years had been a combination of good things and horrible things at the same time. I truly wish and I want so bad to finally accomplish this goal.
I came from a place where I used to place myself on the bottom and let everyone do whatever they please emotionally, there were times I just had the thought that it is ok for me to life in that way and maybe that was the way to live.
I had the opportunity to visit the US, I stayed for a while. I do not know how to describe how free I felt when I was there and how happy I was. I discovered that I was able to decide and do the things I wanted and everything felt so peaceful and happy. I understood that maybe I was able to be happy and maybe there was a chance for me to make it happen.
I came off from a draining relationship, so I was not open to have a relationship again anymore. But without looking I met someone who taught me how amazing I am and how amazing life can be. I never felt so much love and understood and the same time. He is so special to me and he was able to understand and wait patiently for me to open to him. Time went by and since I am not from that country we were trying to find the best way for me to move to the states, we consult a lawyer and the best away to approach was as student since I wanted to continue my studies. We moved together and we also brought my cat, we started living as a family and we also started decorating and make our place like our home. I was so happy to be able to wake up next to my love ones and see them every day.
My boyfriend was not able to exit the US and I tried to enter again using my visa and I was stopped on my way back on the country in one of the most traumatic way. Every time that I had to enter was so horrible and I was treated less than human. Just them saying that I would never see my love one again and checking all my clothes, documents, phone and everything trying to find any sort of proof that I was doing something illegal. They never found anything but they still treated me really bad. I still remember being the last passenger in whole airport to be exiting and my boyfriend waiting for me and asking everyone if they saw me.
Luckily he was able to travel outside the US again and we decided that the best for me it is not to enter until I get my student visa. The first time I applied I was denied but they did not cancel my documents. I really got frustrated and so sad. The fact that someone in front of you can just decide wether you are "enough" or just the fact they can decide your future no matter what you do it is one of the most frustrating things I ever experience. What breaks my heart is that I am far from my boyfriend and my cat and it feels that I am missing time that I can be with them.
I decided to try the second time but that time I got my visa cancelled. This definitely broke me. I was already in a spiral of feeling sad and frustrated. I truly felt so lost and I even thought I do not have anything anymore. Every time I think of this it just makes me want to cry. Being in this process has been one of the most mind consuming and exhausting thing I have faced. Because it is my life and what I want to do it. Sometimes I try to be positive about this but sometimes I can no see light. I had been in this limbo for over a year now, I feel grateful that I have my family but I am not with them and breaks my heart. I see how much my boyfriend puts his effort on everything and how much he cares of our cat. I see how much he wants this to happen and how strong he stays for me when sometimes I can barely be strong.
My heart aches so much because sometimes I think if God just wanted to punish me with this, being able to know what I could had and not being able to have it in my life. Every time I had been into this process I feel how much of me I am losing.
I truly want to achieve this, I truly want to be able to make this happen. I recently tried again and I failed. This time I did not had any tears to cry just and emptiness inside me. I am going to be trying again and I just truly want to be able to finally be with my love ones.
I came from a place where I used to place myself on the bottom and let everyone do whatever they please emotionally, there were times I just had the thought that it is ok for me to life in that way and maybe that was the way to live.
I had the opportunity to visit the US, I stayed for a while. I do not know how to describe how free I felt when I was there and how happy I was. I discovered that I was able to decide and do the things I wanted and everything felt so peaceful and happy. I understood that maybe I was able to be happy and maybe there was a chance for me to make it happen.
I came off from a draining relationship, so I was not open to have a relationship again anymore. But without looking I met someone who taught me how amazing I am and how amazing life can be. I never felt so much love and understood and the same time. He is so special to me and he was able to understand and wait patiently for me to open to him. Time went by and since I am not from that country we were trying to find the best way for me to move to the states, we consult a lawyer and the best away to approach was as student since I wanted to continue my studies. We moved together and we also brought my cat, we started living as a family and we also started decorating and make our place like our home. I was so happy to be able to wake up next to my love ones and see them every day.
My boyfriend was not able to exit the US and I tried to enter again using my visa and I was stopped on my way back on the country in one of the most traumatic way. Every time that I had to enter was so horrible and I was treated less than human. Just them saying that I would never see my love one again and checking all my clothes, documents, phone and everything trying to find any sort of proof that I was doing something illegal. They never found anything but they still treated me really bad. I still remember being the last passenger in whole airport to be exiting and my boyfriend waiting for me and asking everyone if they saw me.
Luckily he was able to travel outside the US again and we decided that the best for me it is not to enter until I get my student visa. The first time I applied I was denied but they did not cancel my documents. I really got frustrated and so sad. The fact that someone in front of you can just decide wether you are "enough" or just the fact they can decide your future no matter what you do it is one of the most frustrating things I ever experience. What breaks my heart is that I am far from my boyfriend and my cat and it feels that I am missing time that I can be with them.
I decided to try the second time but that time I got my visa cancelled. This definitely broke me. I was already in a spiral of feeling sad and frustrated. I truly felt so lost and I even thought I do not have anything anymore. Every time I think of this it just makes me want to cry. Being in this process has been one of the most mind consuming and exhausting thing I have faced. Because it is my life and what I want to do it. Sometimes I try to be positive about this but sometimes I can no see light. I had been in this limbo for over a year now, I feel grateful that I have my family but I am not with them and breaks my heart. I see how much my boyfriend puts his effort on everything and how much he cares of our cat. I see how much he wants this to happen and how strong he stays for me when sometimes I can barely be strong.
My heart aches so much because sometimes I think if God just wanted to punish me with this, being able to know what I could had and not being able to have it in my life. Every time I had been into this process I feel how much of me I am losing.
I truly want to achieve this, I truly want to be able to make this happen. I recently tried again and I failed. This time I did not had any tears to cry just and emptiness inside me. I am going to be trying again and I just truly want to be able to finally be with my love ones.
22-25
