my struggles (vent + rant)

ive always been over-analyzing what to say and what to do to everyone. It has been a habit and something that sticks with me. It is like before i talk to anyone or strike up a convo, i wld always play out how i want to start the convo and how it wld go, how it wld be like, how the reciever on the other end wld feel, etc... iv been doing this forever and it wasnt a problem until now. Lately i show no inerest in anything, its like everythings all numb. The things i used to do doesn't gives me happiness, security or comfort anymore like they used to. Thinking is a burden now and feeling strong emotions isnt easy to do on command. whats worse is my tolerance for other people's human faults and errors has been getting worse. I used to be able to hold it in and bear with it. Now, it just triggers me and makes me feel like im in a tight box being squeezed of every life in me. Things at home isnt easy too, iv always been the one taking everything into consideration, tolerating everyone, having to care about everything. Fees, health, my autistic disabled young brother, the expectations. Being called a lunatic by my father was understandable and toleratable , the fact he wanted his children to respect him through fear was also understandable. Heck, even his physical abuse was toleratable, i had to tolerate it, if not who else would? My mom has already gone through so much, her anger management and need to be the one in control was toleratable. But my tolerance for all this cant last long. Im already at my breaking point. (for context) im a student in singapore, so there isnt much resources i can turn to. Exams are enough stress, building my portfolio is stressfull, having a broken wrist is a burden i cant even go out in anything because of my bruises and cuts, my body dysmorphia is so bad i cant even live a day without crying cuz my mask felt stretched across my face, cuz my thighs touch, cuz i cant fit in styles i wld DIE to wear, i cant live a day without breakdowns. Honestly this is such a stupid rant i just needed to get this out of my head sorry about the grammar mistakes and stuff im not strong in English. :'