I feel like i have no other options...

I always thought that things would somewhat start to feel better, you know ? Like i always had that one spark of hope thinking that no matter how bad it gets, it will all get better... Well joke's on me because i guess it will always get worse and worse... until i reach my breaking point.
I feel like i have no other choices right now. Either i k*ll myself or my dad.
That man never loved us, never cared about us. It's like we live in a bird cage, we don't have free will and it's so infuriating. All i want is to have, i don't know, half the freedom others have, im not asking for much. But he doesn't trust us, he's a paranoid and abusive alcoholic bastard who thinks he's the voice of reason. Everything would be better if he wasn't around anymore. I won't do anything though. Im a coward so i'll just suck it up.
Maybe if i d*e, the guilt will overcome him.