I feel blank, deep, stupid and worthless.

At a young age, my mom would body and weight shame me. I was not fat but extremely thin. my mom would force me to eat even when I was full, she would always compare me to people like my cousins, siblings and people off Youtube. She would call me Idiot, stupid, worthless child, dumb and much more. Today, she kept on nagging on how I was stupid and was always on my phone, I felt hurt. Then, she smashed my phone on the ground that I used all my savings on, I cried and begged her to stop but she just kept going. She shouted at me why I was always on my phone and not spending "quality" time with my family, although she "never" has time for me and can't bother helping me when I'm struggling on something. She once made me sleep in the trash for a week and poured hot soup all over me, I want to cry out loud and just end my life. She'd force me to wear short skirts and dumb shit I hate, my mom kept on screaming at me for having acne too. We are going to another country to pay her family a visit and my mom wants me to look "Perfect" My mom would always tell me that if she would fucking lock me in the house to die. I feel so hurt after hearing those words, but I could not run away. Where would I go? I guess I'll have to live in hell until I am able to get out of her house.