I Am Feeling Nostalgic
I’m watching my daughter play...
I’m sitting amongst a myriad of strangers at an indoor play park gym and trapeze and trampolines for children
And I’m wondering
As many watch their kids in the wonderful place
Is my dad looking down at me?
Can he finally understand the internet?
Is he pleased with it?
The most important influence in my life is gone.
I feel alone. I miss being his favorite.
I miss him asking me for help, advice. I miss seeing his kindness and generosity.
My life is .... what it is.
If he could speak to me now, with clarity of mind, what would he say? How would I respond? And you grandma, what would you save? Is this world “lost”? Or is it maturing at last?
I sit and so much peace... joy abounds
Today a charity gathering, gifts prepared and a prayer for those who have less...
Not a bad thing but when I hear the news it sounds awful. It makes me wonder...
Why am I afraid of living
Why do I feel trapped by my illness?
Does my illness protect me from myself?
Why do I have moment of surplus moments? As if I should be kissing five or six girls to sleep having them feel loved and structured and safe. I can’t afford that. But I’m made up of a souls that would. Here I am. Mother of only one. Doctor commanding to have no more or risk death of one or the other.
I’m content. I won’t challenge life to be more interesting. I made that mistake once. Never again.
Whatever is meant to be, I can’t do it alone.
I’m sitting amongst a myriad of strangers at an indoor play park gym and trapeze and trampolines for children
And I’m wondering
As many watch their kids in the wonderful place
Is my dad looking down at me?
Can he finally understand the internet?
Is he pleased with it?
The most important influence in my life is gone.
I feel alone. I miss being his favorite.
I miss him asking me for help, advice. I miss seeing his kindness and generosity.
My life is .... what it is.
If he could speak to me now, with clarity of mind, what would he say? How would I respond? And you grandma, what would you save? Is this world “lost”? Or is it maturing at last?
I sit and so much peace... joy abounds
Today a charity gathering, gifts prepared and a prayer for those who have less...
Not a bad thing but when I hear the news it sounds awful. It makes me wonder...
Why am I afraid of living
Why do I feel trapped by my illness?
Does my illness protect me from myself?
Why do I have moment of surplus moments? As if I should be kissing five or six girls to sleep having them feel loved and structured and safe. I can’t afford that. But I’m made up of a souls that would. Here I am. Mother of only one. Doctor commanding to have no more or risk death of one or the other.
I’m content. I won’t challenge life to be more interesting. I made that mistake once. Never again.
Whatever is meant to be, I can’t do it alone.
