What Love Looks Like Through My Lens.
I didn't find my soulmate. I kind of got over that, as my marriage was so abusive, it feels good to just come and go as I please and not have anyone to answer to, so I am enjoying my life, however there are times when I wish I did have a forever friend that I could hang out with. The companionship would be most welcome. But not just in any terms. And that's why I'm alone today. In my opinion, friendship comes first. It does not start with a first date and then hop into bed. I personally have more respect for myself than that, and I do have my own beliefs about that as well, but that's just me. I do not believe in sex before marriage. To me, that is a special gift, reserved only for someone I know loves me, should I marry. What others do is up to them. I don't look down on people, regardless of their situation. We never know what people are going through and the things they can't help.
I just feel like the first step for a healthy relationship, would be to find someone whom I could call my very best friend in the whole world. Someone that has consideration for my feelings and beliefs and will show me the respect I deserve. I think everyone deserves respect, not just myself.
I believe that if you do not have respect for the person who asks you to marry them, them don't! There IS no relationship!
Don't kid yourself. Think things out, for heaven's sake! Don't stay with that person just because it feels good or it's the thing to do....or you don't know what to do with your life, because you're going to have children most likely and then they will be the ones that suffer, later down the line. And certainly don't stay with someone who just wants to use you, and are totally selfish in that way. Don't be with someone who just wants their way and that's all that matters, and too bad about you and your feelings.
If you love someone, you will reciprocate that love and genuinely care for that person, what happens to them, and about their feelings. If not, you don't belong with that person. Nor with a liar. They will not make a good life partner. They will not stick with you through thick and thin, so use your head and choose wisely. Think it over very carefully for a few weeks or even months, because your happiness and life, depend on it. You have to remember, this is a crucial life decision, so you must think it through very carefully. You must be with someone you can trust and you won't be afraid of. You must have the freedom to say what you want to say, and the freedom to do as you like as long as you are not hurting the other person, without being yelled at nor degraded.
You do not want to marry a hot head or a bully and if you watch the signs, I pray you don't ignore them when you see things that your heart tells you is not right. Go with your gut and look at the red flags and if there are any, talk to that person and if they can't be worked out and they are not understanding, don't be under the delusion that a marriage would work, or a live-in partner. If they are difficult before you decide to stay with them or marry them, think about how awful it's going to be after you make that commitment. Don't kid yourself. Tell yourself the truth. People who are abusive do not change --- PERIOD! Not unless they want to. And in the mealtime, what child would want to hear their parents screaming and yelling at each other all the time? Think about them, if you won't think about yourself. This ruins children and destroys their confidence and childhood. It takes their childhood right away. Also they're innocence. And I don't care who you are, you should have the common decency and consideration not to fill your children's ears with the F word, every time they turn around. It's not cute.... and it is totally abusive.
I think a person should marry their best friend because they always have their best interest at heart and are not out to hurt them. They're never forceful or controlling. They are faithful and trustworthy, not dishonest. They tell the truth and are able to communicate with you when differences arise, instead of yelling at you as if you're some kind of a dog. That's not respect. If there's no communication, that's another reason there's no relationship. I don't want to yell at people I love, nor control them, but compromise, sit down at the kitchen table and talk with each other and find a solution that benefits you both, not just one. And I know that when I make a mistake and goof up they will tell me lovingly, so I can correct it. They will not look down on me and bring my mistakes up to me every chance they get, when they are angry with me.
Each will want the other to be happy and work out a solution together, as good friends do. Love never tries to find fault and is not controlling or pushy. That's what love looks like to me. Not someone trying to manipulate me with fancy words, telling me they love me, because there's an ulterior motive to get what they want, then move on. People don't treat someone they love, like that. That goes for men and women. People play games and they shouldn't. The ones that really love you and care about you won't do that. They would just be honest with you and you'll feel safe and secure in telling them how you feel and vice versa, not afraid.
People who love each other help each other in times of trouble and are always there for each other without being afraid the other will cheat on them, as mine did over and over. I don't care whether you are a man or woman, there's no excuse. You can control yourself and your actions show how much you love a person. Cheating is not okay! Not ever. Don't get married, if you still want to fool around and cannot be faithful to your partner. If you want to sleep around continuously, then don't get married and hurt your partner that way, or children. They don't deserve that, because you can't control yourself. That's just an excuse, and I'm sick of men and women taking the attitude of "Well, that's just the way we are...we can't help it." That's a sick excuse, to just keep doing it and to cover your conscience, but then some don't even have a conscience and they just accept it as that's the way things are. It's NOT the way things are. It's the way you want them in your immature mind, and you don't care who you hurt or what you do, in the meantime. You need to grow up! It matters who we hurt, and our children are the poor, innocent victims, who end up suffering because of it. This damage stays with them forever and affects them mentally, their whole life. That's certainly not the definition of love. It's the definition of a selfish, creepy jerk, who cares less about who they hurt, just so they get what they want. It's shameful and inexcusable. Genuine people don't do that. They wouldn't hurt their partner for anything in the world. They stay and work things out and not run away or run off for good at the least little sign of trouble. That's not commitment and that's not love. I hope you find the best love of your life and that it lasts forever. It can, if two people are willing to love each other enough to work things out. But it takes two and it takes time and work, but if you love someone you will take the time to do that and it won't feel like work. It will feel like sitting down with your best friend and working things out, because you do love each other.
I just feel like the first step for a healthy relationship, would be to find someone whom I could call my very best friend in the whole world. Someone that has consideration for my feelings and beliefs and will show me the respect I deserve. I think everyone deserves respect, not just myself.
I believe that if you do not have respect for the person who asks you to marry them, them don't! There IS no relationship!
Don't kid yourself. Think things out, for heaven's sake! Don't stay with that person just because it feels good or it's the thing to do....or you don't know what to do with your life, because you're going to have children most likely and then they will be the ones that suffer, later down the line. And certainly don't stay with someone who just wants to use you, and are totally selfish in that way. Don't be with someone who just wants their way and that's all that matters, and too bad about you and your feelings.
If you love someone, you will reciprocate that love and genuinely care for that person, what happens to them, and about their feelings. If not, you don't belong with that person. Nor with a liar. They will not make a good life partner. They will not stick with you through thick and thin, so use your head and choose wisely. Think it over very carefully for a few weeks or even months, because your happiness and life, depend on it. You have to remember, this is a crucial life decision, so you must think it through very carefully. You must be with someone you can trust and you won't be afraid of. You must have the freedom to say what you want to say, and the freedom to do as you like as long as you are not hurting the other person, without being yelled at nor degraded.
You do not want to marry a hot head or a bully and if you watch the signs, I pray you don't ignore them when you see things that your heart tells you is not right. Go with your gut and look at the red flags and if there are any, talk to that person and if they can't be worked out and they are not understanding, don't be under the delusion that a marriage would work, or a live-in partner. If they are difficult before you decide to stay with them or marry them, think about how awful it's going to be after you make that commitment. Don't kid yourself. Tell yourself the truth. People who are abusive do not change --- PERIOD! Not unless they want to. And in the mealtime, what child would want to hear their parents screaming and yelling at each other all the time? Think about them, if you won't think about yourself. This ruins children and destroys their confidence and childhood. It takes their childhood right away. Also they're innocence. And I don't care who you are, you should have the common decency and consideration not to fill your children's ears with the F word, every time they turn around. It's not cute.... and it is totally abusive.
I think a person should marry their best friend because they always have their best interest at heart and are not out to hurt them. They're never forceful or controlling. They are faithful and trustworthy, not dishonest. They tell the truth and are able to communicate with you when differences arise, instead of yelling at you as if you're some kind of a dog. That's not respect. If there's no communication, that's another reason there's no relationship. I don't want to yell at people I love, nor control them, but compromise, sit down at the kitchen table and talk with each other and find a solution that benefits you both, not just one. And I know that when I make a mistake and goof up they will tell me lovingly, so I can correct it. They will not look down on me and bring my mistakes up to me every chance they get, when they are angry with me.
Each will want the other to be happy and work out a solution together, as good friends do. Love never tries to find fault and is not controlling or pushy. That's what love looks like to me. Not someone trying to manipulate me with fancy words, telling me they love me, because there's an ulterior motive to get what they want, then move on. People don't treat someone they love, like that. That goes for men and women. People play games and they shouldn't. The ones that really love you and care about you won't do that. They would just be honest with you and you'll feel safe and secure in telling them how you feel and vice versa, not afraid.
People who love each other help each other in times of trouble and are always there for each other without being afraid the other will cheat on them, as mine did over and over. I don't care whether you are a man or woman, there's no excuse. You can control yourself and your actions show how much you love a person. Cheating is not okay! Not ever. Don't get married, if you still want to fool around and cannot be faithful to your partner. If you want to sleep around continuously, then don't get married and hurt your partner that way, or children. They don't deserve that, because you can't control yourself. That's just an excuse, and I'm sick of men and women taking the attitude of "Well, that's just the way we are...we can't help it." That's a sick excuse, to just keep doing it and to cover your conscience, but then some don't even have a conscience and they just accept it as that's the way things are. It's NOT the way things are. It's the way you want them in your immature mind, and you don't care who you hurt or what you do, in the meantime. You need to grow up! It matters who we hurt, and our children are the poor, innocent victims, who end up suffering because of it. This damage stays with them forever and affects them mentally, their whole life. That's certainly not the definition of love. It's the definition of a selfish, creepy jerk, who cares less about who they hurt, just so they get what they want. It's shameful and inexcusable. Genuine people don't do that. They wouldn't hurt their partner for anything in the world. They stay and work things out and not run away or run off for good at the least little sign of trouble. That's not commitment and that's not love. I hope you find the best love of your life and that it lasts forever. It can, if two people are willing to love each other enough to work things out. But it takes two and it takes time and work, but if you love someone you will take the time to do that and it won't feel like work. It will feel like sitting down with your best friend and working things out, because you do love each other.
