Haven’t been this depressed in a long time. Trying to focus on the positives…

Today I am feeling a bit better .. yesterday I hula hooped for the first time in a couple months I think. I thought my leg would be killing me, but I feel fine. I’m staying busy to keep my mind off things and maybe do something constructive with all this pent-up rage and sadness before I put it back in its box.

🥰 My partner has been wonderful, which I immensely appreciate. Yes, this is yet again another obstacle, but throughout the day I sniff the roses he gave me, reminded that for once I am not facing it alone this time
🌞 My kiddo understands that I’ve been having a hard time, so they’ve been mostly on their best behavior.
🌞 My dog has been extra Kissy.
🌞 The g@bapentin I take for my nerve pain in this case has the extra benefit of helping with anxiety and depression. 👍


Last few days I’ve been having a really hard time with how my disability is greatly limiting my ability to simply.. live my life.. to move forward in life. It’s funny how for non-disabled people the things I am trying to do teeter on mediocrity, but for someone in my position these basic-b!tch dreams seem so.. lofty.
That bitter pill is… periodically enraging.
For fncks sake. I’m not trying to become an astronaut.

I’m grateful for how well my partner was there for me while I crumbled. I almost didn’t let him come over because when I’m collapsing most people just make it worse accidentally by saying, well intended, but thoughtlessly ablest things Because.. they just.. don’t realize how much of living an autonomous day to day life they take for granted.

John just holds me.. lets me cry it out then cry some more, stroking my cheek, petting my head. Little kisses. He empathizes. Doesn’t try to fix me or ‘correct me’. He doesn’t feed me platitudes. He doesn’t push me to put it all back in the box before I’m ready. He just.. holds me tight while I breathe through the pain and asks if there’s anything he can do to make my existence less stressful in the meantime.