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Do you ever find yourself wanting to be helpful and wonder if it's purely for selfish reasons?

Maybe you wonder if you try to be helpful just to make yourself feel better or distract yourself from other things in your life that make you feel down?

Or maybe you make an extra effort because you feel a connection (even a minor one) with someone, and/or you are attracted to them (even in a minor way)?

Or maybe you have a core need to be generous and/or for someone to appreciate your helpfulness?

Maybe you do some or all of these in combination, or something else entirely?

This doesn't necessarily negate any value to whatever you're doing to try to be helpful to someone. This form of selfishness isn't necessarily bad, and other motivations can exist in parallel to it, I think.

Maybe the selfish can coexist with the altruistic?
Blondlee · F
People who suffer from depression or who are lonely are encouraged to help others in order to feel better. I see nothing wrong with that.
Nelladell · 80-89, F
[@1119027,Blondlee] What she said.
Iamonfire666 · 36-40, F
We get something out of interactions like that because it makes us feel good. I think it’s much better and more productive compared to someone that enjoys creating conflict and drama.
Iamonfire666 · 36-40, F
[@1253991,AldousHuxtable] it’s human nature though
BlueGreenGrey · 46-50, M
[@10165,Iamonfire666] I guess I just want the affected person to always know and never doubt that I am 100% genuine
Iamonfire666 · 36-40, F
[@1253991,AldousHuxtable] I think they will know that unless you give them a reason to suspect otherwise.
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
It’s the intention behind the offer to help that’s important. Maybe some people want the best for others.
WhateverWorks · 36-40
I think it’s a false dichotomy created by an impossible ideal of ‘goodness’. It’s in our biology to feel good on some level, via all the reasons you described and then some, when we ‘do good’. Now some people might be more aware than others about what is to be gained and felt throughout their being, but even at an unconscious level the Chemical release is what it is whereas selfishness implies some kind of control over the matter. It would be more on point to observe that if someone is [i]not[/i] experiencing that chemical release then there’s something erroring for them on a biological level.
WhateverWorks · 36-40
This sounds like another false dichotomy situation based on an impossible ideal of trust, or rather the function of trust. The issue for this person is that the manipulation and whatever else they’ve experienced was intentionally harmful and knowingly violated their vulnerability. The thing you are doing by being good to this person is mainly just not intentionally hurting them for personal gain, thus helping them understand you are a safe person/place. Unless you are knowingly not a safe person/place or recognized within yourself easily ruptured volatility, then there’s no shortage of integrity about it [@1253991,AldousHuxtable]
BlueGreenGrey · 46-50, M
[@1250980,WhateverWorks] Thank you ... I guess I was having a moment of irrational thinking
WhateverWorks · 36-40
No, not irrational. just momentarily focused on something that isn’t the point, so it creates riddles for ourselves that aren’t actually even the issue that needs attention or solving. We’ve all been there [@1253991,AldousHuxtable]
Nelladell · 80-89, F
In my not-so-humble opinion, you are right on. In fact, don't we get something out of everything we do? Everything? When we help someone, we not only feel better for having done the best thing we know how, but our act of kindness has surely aided others in being kinder and, however little the change, we benefit from the better world.
Magenta · F
Indeed. It's human nature no matter what we tell ourselves. I'm fond of saying... if we are [i]only[/i] kind to those we are fond of vice versa, want their attention, love, crush on or some such, that's not deep down kindness, that is biased kindness. But it's certainly better than none.
I'm just a selfless giver, and I've never thought of it this way before. I enjoy helping other people vs being the selfish taker. It's definitely a thought provoking question regarding a motive/agenda behind the action.🤔
JustNik · 46-50, F
I can’t recall an instance in which this was my actual motivation to help. At this point I would think somewhere in there it has served to encourage the desire, though, as I do understand that it feels good to be a good thing for someone else. Frankly, I don’t think it matters if that’s what actually spurs someone. I consider it a nice part of our nature and think it’s lovely that the act of lifting another can lift oneself as well.
This is right on.
Everything we do is for self. Even if it's helping someone or "giving". It's always about what benefits us or makes us feel good. If it weren't true we would be giving to our enemies or those who don't like us.
cloudi · 36-40, F
When I want to help someone usually I didn’t wonder the real reason behind me want to do so. Though I’m quite sure, there were might be some selfish reasons back then. I’m no angel 🤷‍♀️😅
ServantOfTheGoddess · 56-60, M
I don't think there is such a thing as pure altruism, but why should there be? Human beings aren't pure; we're complicated. It's still better to be helpful than not.
Carazaa · F
I help people because I want to make God happy! If people appreciate me helping them or not, is not important.
ZenPearl · F
No. I know what it's like to feel lost, sad, and like no one notices you hurt. We all matter. It's why I do it.
Discobiscuit · 31-35, F
Very thought provoking. I think so. No real harm if it’s still benefitting someone else.
Eklipse · F
It's usually a two way thing. When Im not feeling it reciprocated I'll just abandon ship 👀
If I help someone else I don't have to focus on my shit.
Spaceshipcaptain · 41-45, M
Sure, but my first instinct is to help out of goodness of my heart.
astrosandorbits · 26-30, M
Off topic but I respect your name lol he's one of my fav authors.
STANLEY1 · 70-79, M
No. If I can be helpful I'll certainly bust a gut to do my best. If, you can't being doing your best, then you're just an unwanted hinderance.

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