Benny and the Magic Urn
Once upon a time there was a man named Benny. Benny was a simple man with simple talents and simple desires. He was a quiet fellow who loved to walk the beach when he had some time to spare. He was the kind of guy you wouldn't mind having a drink with, but anything more might be tedious. One day, as Benny was walking the beach, he stumbled over a small black jar-shaped object. Benny curiously picked it up and began to brush off the sand.
Woosh
Benny winced as sand flew into his eyes, blinding him temporarily. By the time he opened his eyes, a shadow had been cast over him.
"I AM KHALROG, GENIE OF THE URN, YOU HAVE AWOKEN ME FROM MY SLUMBER. WHAT IS YOUR ONE TRUE DESIRE?" the genie bellowed.
Stunned, Benny could hardly believe what he was seeing. Benny thought for a moment as he regained his senses. Then he began to speak, "Well, I've always wanted a magnificent beard. I've always had a hard time with the ladies and I hear great beards are a wonderful attraction."
"VERY WELL," replied the genie, "YOU MAY HAVE YOUR BEARD. HOWEVER, I MUST WARN YOU THAT THIS BEARD COMES AT A PRICE: YOU MUST NEVER SHAVE IT OFF."
Benny thought for a moment, then agreed to the genie's conditions. A brilliant beard protruded from Benny's chin and grew and grew until finally it reached his belly. This was fantastic! Surely he would be a ladies' man now!
Years passed by as Benny became an icon of beard lovers everywhere. He won contest after contest and seducing women had never been easier. Then one day, he met the woman of his dreams. They went on several dates together before she revealed to him that she would love nothing else than to see him without his beard. Benny loved his beard, but he loved this woman much more. Reluctantly, he agreed to shave it off in the morning.
The next morning, Benny grabbed his razor and started to shave his beard.
POOF
Suddenly, Benny was teleported into a round, black room!
"Egad!" Benny cried. "Where am I!?"
"YOU HAVE DISOBEYED THE ONE RULE, BENNY," a voice behind him roared.
Benny stammered, "But I... I... it's only a beard! Why are you doing this to me?"
The genie replied, "I AM THE GENIE OF THE URN, BENNY. I HAVE RULES. WHEN THOSE RULES ARE BROKEN, YOU MUST BE PUNISHED."
"So... so... what's my... my punishment then?" Benny stuttered.
"YOU WILL REMAIN HERE IN MY URN FOR ALL ETERNITY AND THE WORLD WILL KNOW YOUR FAULTS." the genie exclaimed.
And from that day forth, Benny has taught all Bennys everywhere the most important lesson of all:
A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
Woosh
Benny winced as sand flew into his eyes, blinding him temporarily. By the time he opened his eyes, a shadow had been cast over him.
"I AM KHALROG, GENIE OF THE URN, YOU HAVE AWOKEN ME FROM MY SLUMBER. WHAT IS YOUR ONE TRUE DESIRE?" the genie bellowed.
Stunned, Benny could hardly believe what he was seeing. Benny thought for a moment as he regained his senses. Then he began to speak, "Well, I've always wanted a magnificent beard. I've always had a hard time with the ladies and I hear great beards are a wonderful attraction."
"VERY WELL," replied the genie, "YOU MAY HAVE YOUR BEARD. HOWEVER, I MUST WARN YOU THAT THIS BEARD COMES AT A PRICE: YOU MUST NEVER SHAVE IT OFF."
Benny thought for a moment, then agreed to the genie's conditions. A brilliant beard protruded from Benny's chin and grew and grew until finally it reached his belly. This was fantastic! Surely he would be a ladies' man now!
Years passed by as Benny became an icon of beard lovers everywhere. He won contest after contest and seducing women had never been easier. Then one day, he met the woman of his dreams. They went on several dates together before she revealed to him that she would love nothing else than to see him without his beard. Benny loved his beard, but he loved this woman much more. Reluctantly, he agreed to shave it off in the morning.
The next morning, Benny grabbed his razor and started to shave his beard.
POOF
Suddenly, Benny was teleported into a round, black room!
"Egad!" Benny cried. "Where am I!?"
"YOU HAVE DISOBEYED THE ONE RULE, BENNY," a voice behind him roared.
Benny stammered, "But I... I... it's only a beard! Why are you doing this to me?"
The genie replied, "I AM THE GENIE OF THE URN, BENNY. I HAVE RULES. WHEN THOSE RULES ARE BROKEN, YOU MUST BE PUNISHED."
"So... so... what's my... my punishment then?" Benny stuttered.
"YOU WILL REMAIN HERE IN MY URN FOR ALL ETERNITY AND THE WORLD WILL KNOW YOUR FAULTS." the genie exclaimed.
And from that day forth, Benny has taught all Bennys everywhere the most important lesson of all:
A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
36-40, M
