Dear Future Husband

I think about you in the river of thoughts; flowing into the darkest corners of my heart. Flowing in both time past and time present.

I think about how I never thought I would be married. How I spent most of my teenage years locked in my bedroom alone with my books.

How I fell into substance abuse after high school. Surrendering myself to self destruction and an all consuming inner indecisiveness.

And amongst all those struggles, I thought of you. As I found my way, I thought of you.

In spite of my inner battles.

You picked me.

I am not the most beautiful flower in the rose garden.

Yet you picked my stem from the grass and carried me home.

Despite my pedals turning black or blue.

You gave me color.

You broke through.

And I couldn’t have done it.

Without you.