Potatoes are easy to grow. You only need one in fact. Plenty of videos on YouTube that show how to grow potatoes. They'll grow most anywhere, even indoors where it's too cold to grow outside.

you're fucked up in the best way

Might I suggest consuming some of the native versions from their original source in the Andes in South America? I particularly enjoy the Papa Cacho fingerling variety.

Think ya might be talkin' 'bot TATERS!!!

sweet potato ?

The potato may be native to the Americas but I thought they were pretty globally universal these days. Except perhaps in your neighboring Ireland during the famine a couple centuries ago.

Are you truly a Skeggy lad?

I didn't know there was a place that didn't have potatoes