I Love to Laugh and Make Others Laugh
EMPTY SUPER-MARKETING LANGUAGE
Examples of how stores use empty words to seduce the unwitting.
Seen in two supermarkets over the last week or two, this declaration:
"When it's gone it's gone"
What does this statement contribute to the sum of human wisdom? What does it do to develop the knowledge of small people struggling in their first efforts at reading?
What is the point of such a banal statement?
It conforms to the rules of dumbing down. No word is longer than four letters, ensuring that that the most orthographically challenged among us will understand it. There is repetition: a five-word statement contains only three easy words. It could have been made even more accessible to all by adding a "like" or two - "When it's like gone, it's like gone."
This reminds me of when I initially came back permanently to the UK from France. I noticed one advertising slogan that filled me with horror. It was this:
"Love life, love Morrison's tomatoes"
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???
I thought to myself, why on earth have the educated, thinking part of the population not risen up in united revolt against such utter meaningless trash? Why have they not boycotted these peddlers of nonsense?
But no, people don't stop to question such moronic combinations of random words. We swallow them whole.
Some more suggestions:
"WHEN IT'S CLOSED IT'S CLOSED"
Meaning: this is not a 24-hour store
"WHEN IT'S TUESDAY IT'S TUESDAY"
Sign displayed on Tuesdays
"PURE HYDRATION"
Meaning: water
"LOVE LIFE, LOVE OUR HAEMORRHOID CREAM"
and
"LOVE LIFE, LOVE OUR SWEATY FEET OINTMENT"
Meaning: these mean exactly what they say
"FOR SHARING"
Meaning: you the purchaser are under no obligation to consume all of this product personally. We prefer that you let other people have some too.
INSTRUCTIONS ON CERTAIN FOOD PACKETS
A series of suggestions cleverly devised to assist the customer who, on arriving home, finds that he has somehow procured a packet of chocolate treats, and says to himself, What on earth am I going to do with these? what is expected of me? I need help here!
The instructions feature several easy-to-understand symbols for guidance, accompanied by primary-school level text.For example, a car, with the words "on the move." Or a person gyrating, with "At a party." Or a TV, with "On movie night."
The creators of these marketing tips obviously expect the customer to breathe a sigh of relief and think "So that's what I can do with these, and when and where I can eat them! Phew, I was at a bit of a loss there! Thanks, marketing slogans company! that's definitely ten grand well spent by my supermarket for all your hard work!"
"PRESENTATION SUGGESTION"
A term used in very small print at the bottom of a lavish picture on the outer packaging of a edible product. Below is a typical example.
What you see on the packet:
a hazy summer morning in Provence, hills of lavender in the background, and a swimming pool. The breakfast table on the balcony is laden with goodies, including a pot of steaming coffee and a bowl of golden croissants. An attractive girl in a skimpy negligee sits smiling at the table, attended by a sexy French maid.
What you get in the packet:
a wodge of butter
"BE A MOMENT-MAKER"
To finish, my favourite. This slogan was observed in BIG WRITING on a fence panel on the drive-in to a local Tesco store for all to see, a couple of years ago. Perusal of the other words on the poster revealed that it ws an encouragement for the jobless to apply for a job. Assumed definition of a "moment-maker:" = someone who stacks supermarket shelves for the minimum wage on a zero hours contract.
Interestingly, this poster didn't stay up for long. I like to think that it was taken down because too many people phoned in to blast the pretentiousness and artificiality of this ridiculous term as applied to boring and brainless manual work.
Examples of how stores use empty words to seduce the unwitting.
Seen in two supermarkets over the last week or two, this declaration:
"When it's gone it's gone"
What does this statement contribute to the sum of human wisdom? What does it do to develop the knowledge of small people struggling in their first efforts at reading?
What is the point of such a banal statement?
It conforms to the rules of dumbing down. No word is longer than four letters, ensuring that that the most orthographically challenged among us will understand it. There is repetition: a five-word statement contains only three easy words. It could have been made even more accessible to all by adding a "like" or two - "When it's like gone, it's like gone."
This reminds me of when I initially came back permanently to the UK from France. I noticed one advertising slogan that filled me with horror. It was this:
"Love life, love Morrison's tomatoes"
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???
I thought to myself, why on earth have the educated, thinking part of the population not risen up in united revolt against such utter meaningless trash? Why have they not boycotted these peddlers of nonsense?
But no, people don't stop to question such moronic combinations of random words. We swallow them whole.
Some more suggestions:
"WHEN IT'S CLOSED IT'S CLOSED"
Meaning: this is not a 24-hour store
"WHEN IT'S TUESDAY IT'S TUESDAY"
Sign displayed on Tuesdays
"PURE HYDRATION"
Meaning: water
"LOVE LIFE, LOVE OUR HAEMORRHOID CREAM"
and
"LOVE LIFE, LOVE OUR SWEATY FEET OINTMENT"
Meaning: these mean exactly what they say
"FOR SHARING"
Meaning: you the purchaser are under no obligation to consume all of this product personally. We prefer that you let other people have some too.
INSTRUCTIONS ON CERTAIN FOOD PACKETS
A series of suggestions cleverly devised to assist the customer who, on arriving home, finds that he has somehow procured a packet of chocolate treats, and says to himself, What on earth am I going to do with these? what is expected of me? I need help here!
The instructions feature several easy-to-understand symbols for guidance, accompanied by primary-school level text.For example, a car, with the words "on the move." Or a person gyrating, with "At a party." Or a TV, with "On movie night."
The creators of these marketing tips obviously expect the customer to breathe a sigh of relief and think "So that's what I can do with these, and when and where I can eat them! Phew, I was at a bit of a loss there! Thanks, marketing slogans company! that's definitely ten grand well spent by my supermarket for all your hard work!"
"PRESENTATION SUGGESTION"
A term used in very small print at the bottom of a lavish picture on the outer packaging of a edible product. Below is a typical example.
What you see on the packet:
a hazy summer morning in Provence, hills of lavender in the background, and a swimming pool. The breakfast table on the balcony is laden with goodies, including a pot of steaming coffee and a bowl of golden croissants. An attractive girl in a skimpy negligee sits smiling at the table, attended by a sexy French maid.
What you get in the packet:
a wodge of butter
"BE A MOMENT-MAKER"
To finish, my favourite. This slogan was observed in BIG WRITING on a fence panel on the drive-in to a local Tesco store for all to see, a couple of years ago. Perusal of the other words on the poster revealed that it ws an encouragement for the jobless to apply for a job. Assumed definition of a "moment-maker:" = someone who stacks supermarket shelves for the minimum wage on a zero hours contract.
Interestingly, this poster didn't stay up for long. I like to think that it was taken down because too many people phoned in to blast the pretentiousness and artificiality of this ridiculous term as applied to boring and brainless manual work.
