BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. newspapers.
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences
in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
And the WINNER is ...
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the century
Thought from the greatest living Scottish thinker
-- Billy Connolly: "If women are so bloody
perfect at multitasking, how come they can't
have a headache and sex at the same time?"
Children are quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got
here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing
your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without
using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell
'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you
asked me how I spell it.
(I love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the
chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking
about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's
H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one
important thing we have today that
we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always
get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the
ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not
only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie,
do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the
axe in his hand.
_________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly,
do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum
is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on
'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a
person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
_____________________________
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences
in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
And the WINNER is ...
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the century
Thought from the greatest living Scottish thinker
-- Billy Connolly: "If women are so bloody
perfect at multitasking, how come they can't
have a headache and sex at the same time?"
Children are quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got
here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing
your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without
using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell
'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L.'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you
asked me how I spell it.
(I love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the
chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking
about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's
H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one
important thing we have today that
we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always
get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the
ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not
only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie,
do you know why his father didn't
punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the
axe in his hand.
_________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly,
do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum
is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on
'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a
person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
_____________________________
