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Can you compliment guys and be nice to them without them thinking you are hitting on them?

In real life I feel like I always have to act abrasive and like a b*tch around guys because any time I'm nice I get the overwhelming feeling that they think I am hitting on them or want to date them. Like I would love to give guys compliments and be a nice person but I have heard from friends and stories about guys who think that gives them permission to do stuff with the girls. I also hateee if anyone knows I have a crush on them so I just outright avoid them and force myself to stop crushing. But I want to be able to have guy friends. Real dilemma here.

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canusernamebemyusername · M

You have always been nice to me. I'm like I'm grateful for any positive attention so I'm not going to push for anything else unless someone explicitly says otherwise. Lol

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canusernamebemyusername · M

@newdawnnewday I am doing alright. Just tired a little. But want to talk to people. Lol

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@canusernamebemyusername haha mee

canusernamebemyusername · M

@newdawnnewday :D *sits with you on the couch*

PhilDeep · 51-55, M

Unfortunately society seems too sexualised to accept that a compliment can be without sexual intent.

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PhilDeep · 51-55, M

@newdawnnewday Well, one way to look at it is we are more prudent to maintain boundaries. Ideals may be appealing in theory but hard to sustain in practice.

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@PhilDeep I guess but I don't think giving a nice compliment should be a boundary. But I guess you're right it seems idealistic

PhilDeep · 51-55, M

@newdawnnewday I meant prudent to avoid an unfortunate practical consequence of something innocent because life is like that.

pelman0011 · 56-60, M

Depends on the compliments you give out.

If you say; "Hey John! You look so hot right now. Those pants really show off your butt!"...then he's probably going to think you're hitting on him.

However, if you say: "Hey John! You know; your nose hairs are growing out nicely."...then I wouldn't think he would take that as being hit on.

But seriously, it all depends on the compliment and the relationship...but I would think, for the most part, that you can give guys compliments without them thinking too much of it.

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@pelman0011 im dead I think the nose hair compliment would really win them over. Idk some guys dont get the hint when you aren't looking for anything unfortunately

DecafD

Yeah no doesn’t work...sorry. You have to remain professional for a while to friend zone only and after that has been established is when you can give compliments and they won’t think that bc they know you already.

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newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@DecafD oooh I like those examples!! thank you!! I feel like the ugliest MF one is lowkey backhanded tho and can be taken the wrong way haha but I still like it

DecafD

@newdawnnewday hahaha yeah totally didn’t mean that he’d be in comparison. Glad to help!

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@DecafD knowing my insecure ass I would def take it like that but I got what you meant haha

JP1119 · 36-40, M

If you're nice to a guy and you think maybe he likes you, you could always ask him. I mean like have a dtr (define the relationship) conversation. At least in theory I think communication and honesty are key.

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newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@JP1119 I tend to overthink things a lot though so idk how effective I would be. I guess I am also more scared of the guy thinking I have a crush on him.

JP1119 · 36-40, M

@newdawnnewday I don't think he would think for very long that you have a crush on him if you assure him that you don't. Whatever, hope I helped, got you thinking maybe.

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@JP1119 yes thank you!!

SubstantialKick · 31-35, M

Interesting. You know for me, I've had the same concerns when it comes to women. I feel like if I am too nice, then she will think that something is up...so I just keep the compliments to a minimum.

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SubstantialKick · 31-35, M

@newdawnnewday Not really 🤔. As a matter of fact, the guys that I would hang out with (before COVID) never really gave each other many compliments. It was always the girls in the group giving either the guys compliments, or compliments to each other.

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@SubstantialKick See that also breaks my heart. It should be normal to hype your friends up without seeming scared of being called "gay" as if 1) thats an insult or 2) just being kind to your friends.

SubstantialKick · 31-35, M

@newdawnnewday I agree 👍🏾.

TakingBackMidgaard · 26-30, M

I fed that goes both ways. I have had women flirt with me because they thought my kindness was me flirting. I I make sure to throw in mentions of my wife naturally just to make sure I don’t mislead them and hurt their feelings.

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@TakingBackMidgaard Yeahh I get that. Def a good touch to add that in about the wife haha

zoiera

I think it mostly depend on the timing and the situation. Like if you compliment a colleague who was just promoted and who happened to be a guy, that should be safe. If he thinks otherwise then it's his problem not yours.

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@zoiera I feel like a congratulations you earned it would def be a safe zone. I was thinking more of like hyping guys up when they feel down or etc.

Paintedfox · 36-40, F

Its not safe, sorry, but thats the truth.

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Paintedfox · 36-40, F

@quitwhendone dude I have had to run out of stores and had a guy show up at my house with guns, its not safe

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@Paintedfox omg thats so scary I hope you got out of the situation safely 🧡 im sorry you had to go through that

quitwhendone · M

@Paintedfox Oh wow. Thats awful. Sorry you had to go through that. 🤗

DragonFruit · 61-69, M

I can be nice to guys and compliment them without them thinking that I’m hitting on them (even at times when I might be).

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@DragonFruit ugh it's kinda hard to differentiate between the come ons and just a genuine compliment sometimes

SW-User

I compliment any one I see beauty in. I'm just nice. It's up to people to act accordingly.

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@SW-User That's really sweet. Has it ever gone poorly?

SW-User

@newdawnnewday People have thought maybe I was weird or had more interest in them than I did. Nothing really bad.

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newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@waleskinder Blunt and direct I like it

th3r0n · 41-45, M

@waleskinder well I'm a fan of the kind of girls who wouldn't be touching a man's dick unless they're talking marriage and wouldn't have sex unless married, but I suppose for most that blunt expression would fit well enough

quitwhendone · M

You're shooting yourself in the foot.

MURD3RM0NK3Y · 26-30, M

Yes you can compliment me and I'll compliment you back and we can have sex afterwards. Deal ?

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newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@MURD3RM0NK3Y All you had to say was food!! also that comment above was highkey sarcasm lmao

MURD3RM0NK3Y · 26-30, M

@newdawnnewday oh yeah... I wasn't.. offer is still on the table

newdawnnewday · 22-25, F

@MURD3RM0NK3Y lmaoo good to know

th3r0n · 41-45, M

I know exactly what that means -- you're pretty

It's not that they "think" you're hitting on them, that's how guys react when a pretty girl says anything positive that could even remotely be a possible sign of interest

stound

I think I can

DaRaNiCoLe · 16-17, F

I sure hope so

bijouxbroussard · F

I can now. It was tricky when I was younger.

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