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I wish i wasn't such a pain in the ass in my earlier years so i would have some friends left...

I used to ignore my friends, steal boys from the girls, be very snob and out of reach, judge and therefore feel ultimately judged all the time, compare and be compared and be very very competitive...I couldn't see those traits in myself. Of course not, I was in pain, in battlefield whenever i would go, be it a party, a celebration, a gathering to chill..no for me everything was war-like, i felt constantly threatened, judged, unloved... I feel sorry for that child now, for me, and for whomever i encounter and i can understand that they are in a similar state..
I still haven't shaken off 100% that personality but i am close close..:) I saw an anime movie yesterday that was about remembering childhood...and that's how i got myself here, into these thoughts...i wish now that i had left some friend here, in my hometown. But i have constantly for decades being after myself, and therefore changing circles again and again and again, changing and moving was my only strategy..
I am now here, having all the time in the world, but no friends to enjoy it with... <3

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Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

At least you’re realizing it now before more time passes. I’ll tell you though. It gets harder to make friends as you get older

being · 36-40, F

@Jenny1234 yes, you are right at least i see it now! But why is it getting harder? It was never easy to me having friends, so i am not expecting anything easy you know..

WhateverWorks · 36-40

I feel like it gets harder to make friends after your 20s+ because a lot of people are preoccupied with their goals and maybe relationships and families. After 30 I noticed people started solidifying in their values, which also created some new boundaries that used to be more laidback when we were young. Stuff that didn’t matter back then matters now. @being

WhateverWorks · 36-40

On the flipside, you could’ve ended up keeping a bunch of toxic friendships who didn’t mind all those problematic behaviors because they were also seriously problematic. You’d have to deal with the detangling process of letting them go even though you’ve known each other for years because they keep trying to drag you back into the muck you are trying to outgrow.

From this clearer more solid state you are possibly in a better position to be a quality friend and attract quality friendships, which lead to a more stable, healthy support system.

being · 36-40, F

@WhateverWorks thank you...you are right in that .. My previous circle was accepting my series of bullshitting like i had to accept and expect from them .. none around means that too... I need this healthy support system eventually. Not that I am expecting it overnight..

Whyme · 46-50, M

Well ya cant change the past but do your best from today forward , really ya just gotta be you .

being · 36-40, F

@Whyme yes thank you, it's got to be me you're right 🤗

Whyme · 46-50, M

@being you gotta be you

SW-User

We all have lessons we learn the hard way

being · 36-40, F

@SW-User yes..thank you for reminding me <3 it's not only me that's screw stuff 🤭

lovingdead · 31-35, M

At least you discovered it. That's better than it going unnoticed forever.

What would you go do with your friends if you had a free weekend?

Why not go do that, find some people and make friends....?

being · 36-40, F

@lovingdead eh huh i am not that optimistic about "find some people" like where will i find them? Will i do a shout-out on social media? 😰 Will i just grab someone that i will find on my way?? 😱

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@being who knows, that's what makes it an adventure.

Ravens80 · 46-50, F

Can’t really change the past or focus on it for that matter! Time to move forward and make a life you want now! Hopefully you can make the necessary changes and be happy!

being · 36-40, F

@Ravens80 i have changed a great deal.. hopefully yes, i am happy in general but it's getting better <3

jenmil · 26-30, F

Can I be your friend

being · 36-40, F

@jenmil hey sweetie sure you can...but i need physical friends too, to meet up!!!

jenmil · 26-30, F

@being ok. We will be online friends then

being · 36-40, F

@jenmil okay then :) so you're a swimmer, i'd love to have someone to come with me on the beach early mornings...

Justenjoyit · 61-69, M

You are on your journey of change and growning thats good 😊

View 1 more replies »

Justenjoyit · 61-69, M

@being New ones like minded ones who will help you on your way and maybe give you answers and a piece of jigsaw you can add to your lives jigsaw so at the end you have a big picture.

being · 36-40, F

@Justenjoyit thank you, like minded ones is a very good point! I am following along with my choices and activities and looking for them <3

Justenjoyit · 61-69, M

@being The universe will send them to you and thats why you talk to the cleaner to the manager and listen to people, they might talk a big talk some times but in the middle of it is a piece that makes a lot of sence and makes things clearer.

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