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Dear moms, if you're a widow and your daughter is going through something, what advice would you give her?

Would you tell her to bear with it and be kind? Or would you tell her to be strong and kick ass? Because right now, I really want to understand mom.
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Tomorrow · 56-60, F
The advice would depend on what situation she was going through. I'm not sure the advice would be different if a mom was a widow or not. 🤷‍♀️
Casheyane · 26-30, F
@Tomorrow Say she was fighting for herself but someone else is being rude to her. Whenever it happens and I tell it to mom, she makes me feel like I'm always at wrong. That it's my patience being tested, and I should let things pass. But dad raised me to defend myself. It's kind of hard when she tells me those things because it feels she doesn't have my back.
Mindful · 56-60, F
I’m a woman, twice divorced,1)Keep track of your pms, 2) is it really that life threatening g or are you just mad for not getting g your way, 3) are you more worried about your image or how this looks to your friends? 4)Are you working tryIng to understand where he is coming from? What his needs are? What stress he may be under? 5) Has the way you treat him changed now that you are married? Or 6) has he changed? 7)If you were just dating would you break up over this issue? Lots to think about as a woman... we can easily relate to one another and NOT relate to men at all. 8) Bottom line... men like sex. That makes them very happy and satisfied.9) Have you stopped having SEX because you’re mad? 10) Have you told him what it is that he does that you value? @Casheyane
Casheyane · 26-30, F
@Mindful Thanks for trying :) It's not about a man. No. Oddly enough, other women can be really really mean as well. Some strangers tend to be.
Tomorrow · 56-60, F
@Casheyane Perhaps she's been through enough that she realizes that there are a bizillion and twenty seven rude people in the world and you can't let them stress you. Perhaps she's like me. I would tell my kid to really look at the other person - the source of the problem. They are usually a mess and their problems ooze out all over everyone near. Once you can see that, you realize there's no need to stress or fight back because they will never understand or change. If that's the case, it's not that your mom doesn't have your back, it's just she wants less stress and heartache for you. Some things and people simply aren't worth your time and energy. Good luck. ❤
Mindful · 56-60, F
@Casheyane same questions should apply... its all in the context...and maybe someone not really being true to themselves when they first met... but I admit I’m not clear on who is who in this relationship and how they care for another. If you know someone is taking advantage of you, you don’t have to let them. If you do let them, it’s your choice. ... how charitable do you want to be... again I’m i. The dark a little here. I do t think I understand the context.
Casheyane · 26-30, F
@Mindful So basically, I take it, the conclusion to just let me make my own choice? haha XD
Mindful · 56-60, F
@Casheyane yep. How charitable do you want to be? How forgiving etc. you can ignore at will... but maybe you get more from the relationship than you are aware of
Casheyane · 26-30, F
@Tomorrow I understand the words. It's the accepting part that's hard when I have to change my expectations of her. You remember back when you were a kid and parents are like super heroes? It wasn't like that for me, but I did believe they would always be protecting me and fighting my battles or cheering me on. So now, the adult me is being stubborn accepting that she wants me to back down when I trained myself to be strong enough to fight. These days I hardly care what people think. I had to learn that adults make bad decisions too and I don't have to listen to them.
Tomorrow · 56-60, F
@Casheyane From what you've said, it sounds like you two have developed a different strategy for dealing with life's rough patches. And well...that's ok. We all have our own path navigate. I do remember thinking my parents were super heroes. I also remember when I began to see them for who they were. Ordinary people striving to do their best in an unsure world. But being human. Making mistakes. When we can see that and accept it, and still love them, life makes much more sense. Just my take on things.
Mindful · 56-60, F
@Tomorrow true. I do remember realizing my parents were just ordinary people who made huge mistakes ( or so I thought)
That was a challenging day.
My parents were just like everyone else! So normal and well not at all in love like fairy tale stories —loving but it was nothing like the movies or books