I Have Family Members That Get On My Nerves
After twenty-six years, I have come to the conclusion that I should be as far away from my family as possible. I have always known to some extent that I would be better off without them, but through time this truth has only been reaffirmed.
They are just too poisoned for me. Perhaps that is why they always manage to bring forward the very worst in me? I don’t mean to... I really don’t. Perhaps we have just endured too much together or we know too much about the demons that lurk behind one another’s eyes? Why else would we constantly try to use it to destroy the other? This is our programming after all; find a weakness and exploit it until they bend to your will. My father did it to us and we did it to one another... and for a very long time, it was the only way I knew how to live.
Once I got out of that toxic environment, I resolved never to go back. It is a part of me and my history that I would rather not give any power to. The handful of people in the world that truly know me would tell you - this is not how I am. Even being back around them on a daily basis is draining me. I can see myself falling back into old patterns and behaviors. Surely I cannot allow this to continue?
I got away from them once, and I have no doubts that I can do so again. Harder still, will be to free myself of the effect they have on me. To not allow them to provoke and awaken the darkest parts of me... Perhaps that is why the strings of fate saw it fit to have me live here; so that I can do what needs to be done to leave them behind for good this time.
They are just too poisoned for me. Perhaps that is why they always manage to bring forward the very worst in me? I don’t mean to... I really don’t. Perhaps we have just endured too much together or we know too much about the demons that lurk behind one another’s eyes? Why else would we constantly try to use it to destroy the other? This is our programming after all; find a weakness and exploit it until they bend to your will. My father did it to us and we did it to one another... and for a very long time, it was the only way I knew how to live.
Once I got out of that toxic environment, I resolved never to go back. It is a part of me and my history that I would rather not give any power to. The handful of people in the world that truly know me would tell you - this is not how I am. Even being back around them on a daily basis is draining me. I can see myself falling back into old patterns and behaviors. Surely I cannot allow this to continue?
I got away from them once, and I have no doubts that I can do so again. Harder still, will be to free myself of the effect they have on me. To not allow them to provoke and awaken the darkest parts of me... Perhaps that is why the strings of fate saw it fit to have me live here; so that I can do what needs to be done to leave them behind for good this time.
