Eating disorders are weird

My therapist said it's a control thing. Like when life feels like it's out of control sometimes you can feel in control if you control your weight. Something like that. To be honest I just feel heavy. No matter how much weight I will ever lose. At the same time it also does feel more like I'm "in control". I mean there are so many things I cannot control because they aren't controllable. They just aren't. Sometimes it just feels good to control something no matter what. I got stuck on some proana sites again, which don't seem too bad so long as you're not following a diet from there. Sometimes the advice does work I admit, albeit probably not in the most healthy of ways.

Plus modeling also be like that where you feel you gotta lose weight. Brands can be brutally honest about your appearance and it's hard to get work if you are too heavy.