Stalker at dawnThere was a peculiar yellowness to the sky the other morning. Woke me up way too early, but I got dressed and went into the garden to gawp at it. It made a lot of plants fluoresce. I noticed a couple of weeds so I yanked them up, and then noticed a...See More »
Gary set fire to a basket of shellsI don't actually know anyone called Gary, but while lockdown has been going on I've rearranged pictures on my wall. I've also painted some, but I have to wait before varnishing them
I Have Something to SayI have just watched Educating Rita again, only this time in TV. I've been to Dublin, where it was set. I've been there. Feels like I'm a star
I Have Something to SaySince lockdown began I've been doing really artistic, creatively presented cooking. And now the Lord and Master has decided to take matters in hand. He is on a keep fit jag
I Shop On Amazon I bought a set of paintbrushes expecting them to be pushed through my letterbox. But the box they came in was far, far too big
I Have Something to SayI'm having a very bad day. First I dropped something on the induction hob and cracked it. Then I burnt the sausages. Oy gevalt.
I Have Something to SayThis is another cat story When I was a schoolgirl I desperately wanted a bike even though I never mastered riding one. I figured I'd learn. Well, I lived in a terraced house with a lane that ran between my street and Union Street, and it just so...See More »
I Have Something to SayWhen we moved into our house several years ago, we had two cats. The day we moved in we kept them in one room while we unpacked essentials, and let them explore the house overnight. The following day we let them outside. Diesel immediately...See More »
I Have Something to SayI'm sick to death of losing things. Really genuinely, but not literally, pissed off with myself. Know what I've lost now? A needle. Luckily it's threaded so it ought to be slightly easier to find. But it isn't on top of my head like my keys. Or...See More »
I Have Something to SayNow, I've lost my keys. My lord and master is getting awfully fed up with me. I can tell, because he's told me to check all my coat pockets, and bags, and down the cushions
I Have Something to SayToday I've broken two pairs of glasses by stepping on them. One pair was already on the ground and I stepped backwards onto them. One pair fell off my lap when I lifted my leg up to see if they were on the floor, and they weren't until I put my foot...See More »
I Think If You Have Something To Say You Should Just Say ItCouple of weeks ago it was overcast as I walked up to the pharmacy to collect my prescription. It was raining by the time I got there. By the time I'd got what I went for and came out, it was like a monsoon. I scooted out but decided it made better...See More »
I Swear a LotDespite being nicely brought up and reasonably well educated, I do enjoy swearing. To me it is the salt, pepper and mustard of daily discourse
I Have Something to SayI've had a psychic prediction. My lord and master is going to mislay another pair of decrepit old trousers tonight
I Have Something to SayOh my goodness what a tremendous, leg-waggling, high-pitched buildup and execution some folk manage to put into a simple sneeze.
I Have Something to SayThe Lord and Master has informed me he is putting his foot down this Christmas.
I Wasted Too Much Time On NothingI'm bloody hilarious, I am. Spent over half an hour struggling to get a super-kingsize duvet into its cover, with its corners all lined up and everything. It was very stressful and involved getting inside (being so big) plus the use a lot of taboo...See More »
I Have Something to SayMy lord and master is sick of Christmas already. I think it's the toe curlingly embarrassing, pretentious perfume adverts on tv that's done it for him
I Want to Thank Our VeteransThis morning I was in the supermarket when the message announcing the two-minute silence was heard over the speaker system. Immediately, staff and shoppers alike ceased what they were doing, stayed still and didn't say anything. One really little kid...See More »
I Have Something to SayHaving gone downstairs in the dark to double check that my phone was plugged in to its charger, I trod on an orange. Gave me quite a jolt