Interesting experience
Yes I am already diagnosed with a psychotic disorder so I don't need the "you're crazy" comments. I'm sharing this experience I had because I thought it was interesting, I won't speak to the validity of it at all.
I decided to pray to Mary (like the mother of jesus mary). This is because while for years now I have not been able to "sense" or "feel" God's presence or energy at all, every time I pray to her I get a feeling of gentle warmth, kindness and comfort. I decided to ask her why I couldn't feel God anymore like I initially could. I told her I didn't doubt he still loved me, I was just confused as to why he no longer presents himself to me basically.
Different automatic thoughts would pop into my head as I was praying but I just had a gut feeling none of them meant anything and were just my own beliefs or misconceptions. Perhaps even the demons yakking out random things to try to confuse me.
After some time had passed and I was floundering because I hadn't received any response like I usually do, all of a sudden I felt a warmth on my back like somoene had placed their hand there. It was comforting and I stopped blabbering. Then I got a very clear thought. "I will pray for you. I cannot claim to understand the intentions and actions of God but I will pray for you." I then felt that it had taken a while because unlike, you know, God, Mary is human. She doesn't have all the answers and can't necessarily answer instantaneously, she gave it careful consideration and took her time before deciding what to say. Even though I didn't really get any answers I thanked Mary and felt very moved that she would be so honest and straightforward with me. And as always I felt comforted.
I hope that someday my old relationship with God will be restored.
I decided to pray to Mary (like the mother of jesus mary). This is because while for years now I have not been able to "sense" or "feel" God's presence or energy at all, every time I pray to her I get a feeling of gentle warmth, kindness and comfort. I decided to ask her why I couldn't feel God anymore like I initially could. I told her I didn't doubt he still loved me, I was just confused as to why he no longer presents himself to me basically.
Different automatic thoughts would pop into my head as I was praying but I just had a gut feeling none of them meant anything and were just my own beliefs or misconceptions. Perhaps even the demons yakking out random things to try to confuse me.
After some time had passed and I was floundering because I hadn't received any response like I usually do, all of a sudden I felt a warmth on my back like somoene had placed their hand there. It was comforting and I stopped blabbering. Then I got a very clear thought. "I will pray for you. I cannot claim to understand the intentions and actions of God but I will pray for you." I then felt that it had taken a while because unlike, you know, God, Mary is human. She doesn't have all the answers and can't necessarily answer instantaneously, she gave it careful consideration and took her time before deciding what to say. Even though I didn't really get any answers I thanked Mary and felt very moved that she would be so honest and straightforward with me. And as always I felt comforted.
I hope that someday my old relationship with God will be restored.
