Dead Behind The Eyes.Laying in bed. Slipping into depression. No more booze. No distractions. Just the screaming of inadequacies and self loathing. Never enough. Not good. Unloved. Broken. Scarred. No matter how much time passes, I'll always be that little fat kid in...See More »
I Feel Like I'm Losing My MindThis morning I managed to wake up and make my way almost downtown without even knowing it. I don't remember any of it and I was heading in the complete opposite direction that need to go to get to work. I just snapped into reality on the subway and...See More »
It's A PartyMy knife it's sharp and chrome. Come see inside my bones. All of the fiends are on the block. I'm the new king. I take the queen. I could float here forever.
I Am Tired, So Very TiredHaven't slept in two days. Pretty sure I'm still drunk. Off to work. Shouldn't have drank more when I got home. Shouldn't have met up with that person. Hindsight right?
I Am ItchingI keep looking at it. Keep thinking I can just do it like I have so many times before. What's one more log on a fire that flickers to the sky? On more word on the page. One more memory that I will never be able to forget. I keep it by me like a...See More »
Another day down.Half way through a bottle of rum. A little over 3 hrs till Let's Go Pikachu. Work in the morning. Yup. Sounds about right. Feel like singing.
I Am A DownerHeading to work. Listening to Daughter. Reflecting on how unhappy I am, I've always been. Trying to remember my last genuine moment of joy and the more I do, the more depressed I get. People tell me to makes changes in order to get out of this mind...See More »
All of the sadness Went down a rabbit hole of Stefan Karl videos and now I'm really sad. I need icecream.
Does Anyone Actually Like Waking Up?Everytime I wake up to go to work, I question how much I need my job. Morning or afternoon, it's always the same routine. I struggle to get out and then contemplate if I should just quit and give up.
I Work In RetailWe have our first Home Party happening next Saturday. An indoor couples pool party with 25+ people. This should be fun, interesting, and very profitable.
It Won't Get BetterNo matter what happens, the cycle stays the same. It was never the job. It was never the company I kept. It was never circumstances. It was me. The problem was and is me. It will always be a life lived out of focus.
I Have A Day Off Today From WorkWoke up in a stranger's bed. Heading to get more booze. Drinking more the last few days to quiet the noise of my head. Running out of money. Gonna be rough once I do. Going to play Pokemon.
I Need To Be DistractedOut of booze. Out of weed. Out of things to occupy idle hands. Trying to find someone close to fool around with to bide my time. No luck. Brain on fire. Need something.