Option A: You give me the ring. Or option B: I make you give the ring.This is your girlfriend taking the direct approach. 😅
The chef on TV just said, "Where there's fat, there's flavour." I know he was talking about food, but still I took it as a compliment.
When a man says he'll do anything for a woman, he means fight bad guys and kill dragons, not vacuum or wash dishes.
Political Correctness says we cannot use the words 'Guys' anymore to describe a group any more it has to be gender neutral..But F#ckers is not allowed either... Why are you making this hard Political Correctness?
If we started getting thought bubbles above our heads. How much trouble would we be in?If you think half the stuff I say is f🦆ing weird you have no idea what I've been keeping to myself. 😅
Other people: I fantasize about flying to an exotic island for a few weeks.Me: I fantasize about slipping into a coma for a few weeks so my family has to actually use their own eyeballs and find their own shit.
Contactless food delivery has really allowed me to become a disgusting shameless food gremlin and I'm not sure I can ever go back.Just leave my feast on the porch and flee! You'll never know how many people this food is for!
Was it wrong of me?A week ago, my brothers fiancee began reading 'The Exorcist' She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil she couldn't finish it, took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean. I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over...See More »
Online shopping for 3 hours and the closing all the tabs and not buying anything is one of my favourite hobbies.
If you died and went straight to hell, how long would it take you to realize you weren't at work anymore?