Have you ever gone into a shop and torn a pair of trousers in half, then a one-legged actor walked in and said "Just what I needed"?
Are you English as tuppence, changing yet changeless as canal water, nestling in green nowhere, armoured and effete, bold flag-bearer, lotus fed MissHavishambling, opsimath and eremite?
When returning from a weekend in Clacton, did you find that your neighbour had trimmed the enormous hedge dividing your gardens into the shape of ahuman leg?
Do Mendel's sons and processed daughters cloned in uniforms of flesh grow like pinks from little cuttings planted in a soil of self?
Do you think you look jolly convincing as you sweat and grunt through a vigorous triscutine at the Fraga Gogo Viachella?