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I need advice.....

So I have a bit of a conundrum. If any of you have ever dealt with this type of behavior successfully, I’d be grateful for your advice.

My son and my grandchildren’s mother have been divorced for years. She has remarried, lives on the other side of the country and has primary custody.

For holidays and birthdays I used to send cash to my grandkids (large bills) …. Until I found out his ex was raiding the greeting cards and absconding with the cash, leaving my grandkids with a card… just a card, no gift (sometimes no card…).

Then I started sending gift cards… same drill, through the grapevine I discovered that their mom takes the gift cards before they get the greeting cards (if they get to see the card at all).

So… Then I bought gifts, wrapped them, put tags (MERRY CHRISTMAS…Love Grandpa) … and sent them via priority mail…. Their mom apparently routinely opens the boxes, takes off my tags and put her own tags on, then claims the gifts are from her “Here I bought these for you”.

So one of my grandkids has an upcoming birthday…. And I’d like to give a gift, and actually have them get that gift…

Your advice please
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Raine · F
It's very selfish and greedy of her to do that. I tried everything to get money to my nephew and couldn't. So I opened an account at the bank and put in money each birthday and Christmas and then when he is a certain age he will get it. His mum has rung up several times asking for the money as he needs it for a sports trip etc.
BalmyNites · F
Stories like this are always so sad, so many people hurt & those hurting the most are always the children

You say that your Son & his ex have been ‘divorced for years’ - so this would suggest that your grandchildren are not that young anymore?

I think it’s futile continuing down the road you have been doing, as it’s obviously not getting you anywhere, when all you want is to gift your grandchildren

Is there any way you can hold up a white flag & get in touch with your ex daughter-in-law to try to talk & make a fresh start?

If it’s absolutely impossible, too much animosity etc. I think you may have to save the cards & gifts to one side for a while, or perhaps open a savings account for them, as your grandchildren are going to come looking for you one day & you can have a relationship independent of their mother 💜
[@561899,BalmyNites] [quote]You say that your Son & his ex have been ‘divorced for years’ - so this would suggest that your grandchildren are not that young anymore?[/quote]

The kids are 12 and 9.

[quote]Is there any way you can hold up a white flag & get in touch with your ex daughter-in-law to try to talk & make a fresh start?[/quote]
I really don't think my ex DIL is going to agree to anything with me. She seems to be of the opinion that "you have so much, you can easily afford to give some to me". So short of "bribing her" I don't think she wants to discuss her past behavior with me.

I like the savings account idea.
BalmyNites · F
[@31253,Threepio] I know your opinion of her, but can you not just put that to one side for now & suggest you all go have a day out together? It doesn’t change your private thoughts on her, but at least if you could calm the waters a little, you’d get to see your grandchildren

It’s true that life is too short & you can never get back the days you miss through arguments & fallouts. In the great scheme of things, they fade into insignificance & all that matters is that those children have a close, loving relationship with you 💜
Penny · 41-45, F
buy them savings bonds in their names they can cash them when they turn 18
[@533101,Penny] I like this idea...
Penny · 41-45, F
[@31253,Threepio] the return is very high i think
curiosi · 56-60, F
I'm sorry, it must be very frustrating. Keep in mind no matter what the tag says your grandchild is getting a gift that they wouldn't receive otherwise.
BalmyNites · F
[@423488,curiosi] That’s very true 🤗
This is heartbreaking. How awful that she is stealing from her own kids?

Can you set up a bank account in their names?
Or, old fashioned I know, but a cheque, so it would have to go into their own account?

Can you ask your son to give them so they are not lost?
[@406205,InOtterWords] [quote]Can you ask your son to give them so they are not lost?[/quote]

That thought has occurred to me, however his ex is also playing MAJOR games in regards to custody/visits so I have no idea if/when he will get to see them next.
[@31253,Threepio] but if they get them.late you know they will at least get them
Iamonfire666 · 31-35, F
That is so terrible. Does your son live where they do? Perhaps he could give them the gifts. Or if they come to visit him and he’s near you, that’s when you give the gifts. I would open a bank account or buy them savings bonds. So you are going through that.
[@10165,Iamonfire666] [quote] Does your son live where they do? [/quote]

No. The grands live on the other side of the country from him.

Thanks for the input. I'm going to look into the bank account thing.
Iamonfire666 · 31-35, F
[@31253,Threepio] I hope it works out.

 
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