I Am Flooded With Memories, Memories, Memories

One of my first memories was trying to aquire free will (or increase it for me and all people) because I was paranoid we were all cause and effect. I would do random things and change my mind right in the middle or do things I "wouldn't choose".. I thought I could dislodge the cause and effect train and everyone would be free. I was about 4 and I remember linking an experience to this, when I would fall to the ground with the feeling of strings skreetching in my ears, it hurt a lot and lasted about a minute or so. I thought it was punishment from the universe for this pattern of behavior and not following what I know now is synchronicity and listening and taking it in interpreting truth that dialogue of meant to be not has to be. I always had a dialogue between myself and "Nothing" which was my concept of God when I learned that the space between particles was that. Edge of universe is all matter within universe. Anyway that habit of experimenting with strange behavior resulted in a lot of mistakes and bad karma. I wish I had fully realized what the universe was telling me. But that is a real memory. Also a first memory is crying for hours for my mom in my cradle. Finding a dead blue jay under a tree. When my kindergarten bully who I would call on in the schoolyard to beat me up told me the story I shared in the library was good and never bullied me again and I missed her. The bug club I started in kindergarten where I would bring in all these plastic containers for the kids, I got bored and slightly overwhelmed with the routine so I quit the club and then the new girl leader said she would change it to the "ant club" when I was upset she stole my club lol.. My grandma getting me to retrieve objects from under her bed, her singing to me and me warming her feet cuddling. Her story of the poor matchstick girl and her grandmother she would tell. my cousin telling me we should just draw the jewellery and objects in my grandmother's room if we felt the need to steal. When my friend in improv class stole my idea and made it way better around the time I was losing my gift, seeing her word for word joke in a fav successful comedian's routine. other jokes in routines that make me wonder if a tape with us on it got to somewhere.. My childhood taperecorder memories made me wonder things too.. Playing what I thought was really cool music out of "my first tape recorder" the sony product, for the babysitter kids playing basketball. one of those kids always had silly putty and cool toys in his fanny pack.. me and him found broken shingles once by the house when we were waiting for the sitter to walk the other kids home and let us in.. we put twos of the "wishing rocks" together until one fit and we made a wish and then the sitter immediately appeared from around the bend and we looked at eachother like oh my god is that what you wished lol. an older girl kid at the sitters making me play at 5 that i was the abused child of the home trying to call children's aid and then she comes around the corner angry lol ok i might add more later