I Battle Depression and Anxiety
I have the worst phobia of spiders, so last night as I was staying up late reading for school, a tiny spider ran across my bed and underneath the blankets. With my glasses being off, I freaked out but I wasn't sure what it was. I put my glasses on and took all my blankets off, finding the tiny thing running around. It's nearly midnight, my family is asleep, and I hate waking up my parents, especially for something that they believe I can handle on my own. So, I find a notebook and whack it really hard, killing it.
As I recover from that, I look up and see ANOTHER one, but so, so, so much bigger. Then the panic sets in. It's walking on my ceiling, circling my room. I'm near tears, but I'm trying to stay calm as I figure out a way to kill it. Thankfully, one of my friends was still awake, so I text her, freaking out. In a way, I didn't feel as alone (even though she was in a different state).
But, anyways, I'm so close to vomiting as I watch it near my door and I'm crying as I feel trapped. It makes its way to one of my posters and crawls behind it. And then I completely lose it. I blame myself for being such a coward and a wimp, and I'm pissed at myself for not killing it. Eventually, I saw it poke out a but from underneath the poster, so I just suck it up, grab my flip flop, and whack it hard against the poster. It's finally dead.
I go and sleep in the living room, trying to calm myself down. It takes me until about 2:30 in the morning to actually fall asleep.
I tell my parents about it in the morning. They know I'm terrified of spiders, but when I tell my dad that I was up late catching up on my summer reading, he laughs and (jokingly) says, "Well, you deserve it!"
I knew it was a joke, but I was exhausted from a long and terrifying night, and that was the last thing I needed to hear. I was so upset. When I show him the guts on the wall and on my notebook, he only says, "Nah, they're tiny!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT SIZE THEY ARE. MY BRAIN DOESN'T CARE WHAT SIZE THEY ARE. ALL MY BRAIN SEES IS SOMETHING AS A THREAT AND PANICS.
Needless to say, when my parents go on and on about how they were teenagers once and they know EXACTLY what I'm going through and "this is just a phase!" and "get over it, learn how to get over it, etc." they have no idea. And I can't tell them because they'll just say "learn how to manage your stress!" DO YOU THINK IF I KNEW HOW TO MANAGE MY STRESS I WOULD HAVE BY NOW? I hate living this way! It is literal hell being in a constant state of worry and anxiety!
Anyways, sorry, I had to get this out. Thanks for reading.
As I recover from that, I look up and see ANOTHER one, but so, so, so much bigger. Then the panic sets in. It's walking on my ceiling, circling my room. I'm near tears, but I'm trying to stay calm as I figure out a way to kill it. Thankfully, one of my friends was still awake, so I text her, freaking out. In a way, I didn't feel as alone (even though she was in a different state).
But, anyways, I'm so close to vomiting as I watch it near my door and I'm crying as I feel trapped. It makes its way to one of my posters and crawls behind it. And then I completely lose it. I blame myself for being such a coward and a wimp, and I'm pissed at myself for not killing it. Eventually, I saw it poke out a but from underneath the poster, so I just suck it up, grab my flip flop, and whack it hard against the poster. It's finally dead.
I go and sleep in the living room, trying to calm myself down. It takes me until about 2:30 in the morning to actually fall asleep.
I tell my parents about it in the morning. They know I'm terrified of spiders, but when I tell my dad that I was up late catching up on my summer reading, he laughs and (jokingly) says, "Well, you deserve it!"
I knew it was a joke, but I was exhausted from a long and terrifying night, and that was the last thing I needed to hear. I was so upset. When I show him the guts on the wall and on my notebook, he only says, "Nah, they're tiny!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT SIZE THEY ARE. MY BRAIN DOESN'T CARE WHAT SIZE THEY ARE. ALL MY BRAIN SEES IS SOMETHING AS A THREAT AND PANICS.
Needless to say, when my parents go on and on about how they were teenagers once and they know EXACTLY what I'm going through and "this is just a phase!" and "get over it, learn how to get over it, etc." they have no idea. And I can't tell them because they'll just say "learn how to manage your stress!" DO YOU THINK IF I KNEW HOW TO MANAGE MY STRESS I WOULD HAVE BY NOW? I hate living this way! It is literal hell being in a constant state of worry and anxiety!
Anyways, sorry, I had to get this out. Thanks for reading.
22-25