I Have a Confession

My addiction to maladaptive daydreaming / compulsive daydreaming is something among many other things that I try to talk about, but never really manage to fluently talk about without saying something like, "it's difficult to explain" or "I don't know how to describe it". But I'm gonna keep trying, because I feel like talking about it right now. If I can't explain or describe something, I'll put a (something) in its place.

So, it started out with me being a bored little kid. I think we all had imaginary friends and made up little stories about them and stuff, but I didn't grow out of it like everyone else. I thought it would go away, but I'm 14, it's not gone, and it's been pretty (something)-consuming. Like, I can spend hours just pacing back and forth, daydreaming. I usually need music (it's a trigger, but I can't avoid it. That's where the whole "addiction" bit comes in; not only to daydreaming, but to music, too), so I go everywhere with my mp3 pla<x>yer.

Sometimes, I'll ask if I can be excused to go to the bathroom in the middle of class because I just want a bit of silence, a walk, and even if it's for like, 5 minutes, just a little daydream. I'll go to the ground floor, walk around once and back up to my classroom.

It's difficult to concentrate in class. If I get bored, I'll lose focus just like that and my mind will wonder.

Sometimes, it makes me anxious and stressed, and I feel as though I'm losing my mind. I know the difference between my daydreams and reality, so it's not as if I'm a schizophrenic or anything, but I always feel as though my imagination will swallow me whole or (something).

I'll leave it here for now...