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I Am Married

This epiphany came to me, shortly before joining SW and you may quote me: "Sometimes, you just don't get everything you want in a marriage."

No one tells you that when you say, I DO. You have expectations that you assume will be met. But people change, and then years go by, and you realize what is missing. You are faced with the ultimate relationship test. And you find yourself weighing the pros and cons, and asking yourself, can you live without that missing marital piece, accept your fate, and merely appreciate all the rest of the good that remains in your marriage. Do I stay or do I go? It's the ultimate commitment question.

I choose to stay, release my expectations, calm my frustrations, and redirect my energies to more positive things that bring me joy and happiness. It's a challenge everyday. The struggle is real. But at the end of the day, the relationship is still worth it, and I am at peace, accepting this little bit of wisdom. I hope it helps you too. 💖
SagePoet · 61-69, M
It took an agreement to dissolve our marraige for us to reevaluate if we still have anything left for each other and thankfully there is something there and we are seeing each other for the first time in a new light and there is a possibility of falling in love again, this time better.
GlamGirl · F
That is so wonderful! Sometimes it takes walking away, taking a step back, and seeing each other with fresh eyes, to realize what a special person you had all along. Good luck to you!
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GlamGirl · F
@ImLobo: Correct. Mr. & Mrs. on an envelope only.
Babble · 61-69, M
Wry well spoken. People expect perfection in relationships and it really doesn't exist.
GlamGirl · F
Thank you, and so true.
lasergraph · 70-79, M
There is a saying, "A perfect marriage is two imperfect people who refuse to give up". There is great truth in that. Expectation is the great enemy. Our partners can never be held responsible for things they aren't aware are problems. It sounds like you have discovered how to make yourself happy and in the end, you are the only one that can.
GlamGirl · F
That is a good and true saying. Expectation is the enemy. In my case, my husband is aware of the problem, yet is choosing not to improve the correctable situation. I am finally accepting that decision, despite how much it hurts. I have also heard that "Marriage is falling in and out of love, always with the same person."
It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that you can live this way. If you had the chance again and knew your marriage would end up sexless, would you still say yes and marry this man? Only you can answer this question. You will join the rest of the people who live without intimacy. The choice is there. And as the years go by and they will oh so slowly, you will find yourself running out of things to do, sleeping likely alone in a cold bed, and feeling miserable. With all the struggles there are in the world, you will find the one which is yours day and night will likely end up destroying you. Do you have children or want them? Will you hide your truth from others and pretend? This will cost you so much. I am commenting because I care. I hope my words reach you. If not, I have tried my best. Life lasts a long time. I hope you can live your way. Bye.
feelthedreams · 61-69, M
@PoetryNEmotion: Sincerely honest comment!
feelthedreams · 61-69, M
Marriage is a compromise. A sweet compromise at that. Not perfect union. The situations those compromises make the love life spicy. At the same time, the areas where compromises are made, could not be avoided or wiped out. That is where dreams and fantasies come. Why not nurture them and strengthen the marital bond, indirectly?
sometimeslonelytoo · 51-55, M
I do believe that in our time the amount of expecatation we put on a single individual is unreasonable. I believe living in communities to be a far better solution for feeling satisfied more fully - with less pressure on one's significant other, though they are there for the very special and exclusive things.
SagePoet · 61-69, M
Marraige, oh boy, first one ended in disaster, long story, not for here unless private, second one gonna dissolve but might get resurrected, we're actually better off now than we were when married. There's a chance for a second shot at real love this time.
GlamGirl · F
@feathers: Good luck to you!
Miklee02 · 51-55, F
Thank you for this post.... 😊
GlamGirl · F
So very welcome! I hope it helps!!✨
PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M
WOW Glam...you hit the nail on the head! Exactly my marriage.
PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M
Me too Glam. It is one of my outlets. Have met some very nice ppl here that I chat with.
GlamGirl · F
@PTCdresser57: That's great! Eight weeks here. I am working on it. So far, so good.
PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M
Good for you Glam!☺
Dreammmer · 56-60, M
Marriage is not about getting.
No one told you that you dont get everything you expected in a marriage? Serious? Of course people have expectations that dont get met. And did you not promise to love and cherish in good and in bad times?
Dreammmer · 56-60, M
@GlamGirl: Wherever you make a sacrifice you die to yourself. That is how I meant it and how I understand it. Once you marry life no longer is just around what you wish and dream of and prefer. You know that.
GlamGirl · F
@Dreammmer: No doubt everyone's interpretation is different, as is their situation. Enlightenment and inspiration was my sole intention. Thanks for your thoughtful comments.✨
GlamGirl · F
@Dreammmer: Yes, you are correct about what sacrifice means once you marry. You are an entity then and it's not just about you.
SW-User
Wow..very good. This is a great step.
GlamGirl · F
Thank you very much!
SW-User
That's not to say you shouldn't continue working to improve your relationship with him. But you are justly proud of making the right choices.
GlamGirl · F
Very true!
SteelHands · 61-69, M
Thx for the advice. Something to file under: - How to became someone's stepping stone.

Livingwell · 61-69, M
Nailed it. You covered all the bases.
GlamGirl · F
It only took me 24 years to figure it out.
Livingwell · 61-69, M
@GlamGirl: me too. 😊
GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M
I totally understand and agree
pdockal · 56-60, M
GlamGirl · F
@pdockal: TY
This is why I plan to avoid it.
GlamGirl · F
What a shame...
@GlamGirl: One of a few reasons why actually.
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GlamGirl · F
Very true. I think we all understand that to an extent at first about the little things. I am talking about bigger, can't ignore the elephant in the room issues. I realize I have pretty healthy, green grass, even if the yard isn't manicured exactly as I had hoped.
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