How do you take responsibility of your own actions?

I have a lot of anger issues, a lot of negativity in my head, esp with my family, my dad, brother & sister can be quite dominating... my mum & sister keep telling me to 'let it go' 'ignore the shit' but i can't just get over it immediately... a lot of the shit i have been exposed to has been there since i was a child... all of this has made me turn to drink which has gone out of control over the past year, to the extent of my husband leaving me.

I have sought treatment & seeing a therapist which is helping to an extent but i keep being told i need to take responisbility of my own actions... i don't know how to do that!

I have my parents & brother staying with me at the minute & i'm at the point where the smallest thing is bugging me & my need to want to live alone is becoming overwhelming & my family are tired of hearing me say that... my mum knows the difficulty i've had with my dad brother & sister but just keeps telling me to ignore it... they have tired telling my brother to stay out of my way, but there's still the little things that are beginning to bug me...

i really don't know what to do to get me out of my rut...