I Am Lonely, Even Among People

I usually don't feel lonely, when I'm alone, I try to not think about being lonely, and the few times that I do, I find ways to take my mind off that feeling. But around my friends and family, the game changes. Most of my friends are in long term relationships now. So every time I hang out with them, I'm playing either the third wheel, fifth wheel, sometimes even the seventh and ninth wheel. And let me tell you it f*cking sucks. Take the other day for example, I was at a pub with some friends, playing the role of the fifth wheel. I sat there listening to one couple talk about their one year anniversary, while the other couple talked about their up coming wedding. I did my best to tune them out, and ignore that empty, lonely, and left out feeling. But it just hit me in the head like a brick, again, and again. I just kept getting reminded about how lonely and pathetic my life really is, and there was just no escaping it. The same thing happens to me around my family, two of my three brothers are married, the other one will be joining them soon enough. As a result, every Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, or any other family gathering we have, is the same result: All of them talking about their relationships and how great their relationships are, while I sit in the corner with nothing to say. I'm always the quietest one during family gatherings, and it's been this way for the last 7 years, and unfortunately, it's probably just going to get worse as time goes on.
Ironically whenever this sort of thing happens to me, the only thing I want to do is be alone. So I can find a way to distract myself from that lonely empty feeling, and I just cant seem to do that around people. I respect my friends and family greatly, and they do mean a lot to me. But there are just some days where I feel that I'm better of without them.