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I Am Fascinated By Human Behavior

It is very rare I am revolted by my own reactions to things. But today seemed to be the exception. The father of my children rang to tell me news I had been hoping for in such a long time: he had found someone and was now in a relationship with her. He is a good man and a wonderful father, but for some reason I felt a large stab in my heart when he told me the news. Before you jump to conclusions, you might want to know our marriage was a little different and I have never felt one ounce of physical or romantic attraction to him, so this was not a 'oh my god, my ex husband has moved on' type reaction. In the aftermath of our divorce, I hoped he would find a match quickly. But that didn't seem to be the case. Now, years on he has finally found 'the one' and instead of feeling elation, I felt sadness.

Now here's the bit that really puzzled me...it was only after he told me she didn't have kids and couldn't have kids that relieved me and finally made me happy for his match. And yes, I am revolted by these thoughts. I've done a lot of stupid thing in my lifetime, but how could I ever be happy for someone who couldn't have kids? What kind of dark person rejoices at that? But I guess I now know why I was initially upset! Human behaviour, especially the maternal type is very subtle and confusing at times.

I am excited for this new phase of our family's life.
973Massage
Wishing you the best. Take a moment to allow yourself to be human and feel your feelings. First also give yourself a little credit for still thinking he is a good man and wanting him to find a new partner. VERY FEW are ever that gracious toward their ex. Second.. The dynamics of human relationships and interactions coupled with the completely irrational emotions and feelings that crop up from any given situation are nothing to feel bad or ashamed or remorseful over. You feel what you feel. And to your credit you recognize that's not appropriate for you and you didn't act on it.
Personally I would give you a gold star for the combination of your actions and good wishes toward your ex and his new partner - and for having the presence of mind to behave in a respectful manner instead of acting out on feelings you don't appreciate experiencing !
GypsyMiss · 41-45, F
Wow, thank you!
Longlegs2014
Don't be revolted - you are simply being human. While you may never have felt one ounce of physical or romantic attraction to him, you did share a marriage and both are the parents of your children. Perhaps there is at some level a whisper of regret that things did not work out. The news that he is now in a relationship with another, while you may have hoped for, is perhaps also at some level revisiting the loss of what could have been.
GypsyMiss · 41-45, F
Beautifully put, thank you x
GalateaSpheres
Very strange..this happened to me -except I was the other woman and I am now having a baby. I think In any blending of families for kids the adults experience all sorts of feelings which change over time and as you all learn to adapt. Don't be horrified you're perfectly entitled to these feelings and I promise they will ease..if he's a good man as you say, he will have chosen his partner carefully in order to protect his kids. Xx
GypsyMiss · 41-45, F
Thanks babe x
PsychGirl94
Those thoughts you had are fine. Deep inside you might've feared him having more kids and starting a new family, and no longer having time for your kids. It's a very common reaction with people who are in your situation. Don't worry. :)
HPIII
We always want back what we never had. Life is a learning experience and hindsight is 20/20. You have passed the test of learning from mistakes of your past. Put the past behind and move on with you life.
sequoia51
It's a change, and change is not easy for some of us. It's good that you can be happy for them. Now you need to be happy for yourself. What will make you happy?
GypsyMiss · 41-45, F
I'm not sure what will make me happy. I guess I don't consider myself unhappy. I was released from a situation (my marriage) that held me captive for 14 years, and leaving it bought me much needed release, relief and peace. I have 3 beautiful, happy, healthy children. I honestly feel a bit greedy wanting more!
sequoia51
This posty projects a much happier person than the original. Sometimes when recounting difficult times, we tend to relive the emotions. Glad to see that you're doing well. Best wishes. Take care of yourself and your children. Enjoy life and please message me, if you'd like to chat.
whitesunshine87
Well sometimes we have emotions that may not be liked by us.I have them too.But I know I am a good person.So are you.All the best.
GypsyMiss · 41-45, F
Thank you, friend x
whitesunshine87
Welcome:)

 
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