I Am Fascinated By Human Behavior
It is very rare I am revolted by my own reactions to things. But today seemed to be the exception. The father of my children rang to tell me news I had been hoping for in such a long time: he had found someone and was now in a relationship with her. He is a good man and a wonderful father, but for some reason I felt a large stab in my heart when he told me the news. Before you jump to conclusions, you might want to know our marriage was a little different and I have never felt one ounce of physical or romantic attraction to him, so this was not a 'oh my god, my ex husband has moved on' type reaction. In the aftermath of our divorce, I hoped he would find a match quickly. But that didn't seem to be the case. Now, years on he has finally found 'the one' and instead of feeling elation, I felt sadness.
Now here's the bit that really puzzled me...it was only after he told me she didn't have kids and couldn't have kids that relieved me and finally made me happy for his match. And yes, I am revolted by these thoughts. I've done a lot of stupid thing in my lifetime, but how could I ever be happy for someone who couldn't have kids? What kind of dark person rejoices at that? But I guess I now know why I was initially upset! Human behaviour, especially the maternal type is very subtle and confusing at times.
I am excited for this new phase of our family's life.
Now here's the bit that really puzzled me...it was only after he told me she didn't have kids and couldn't have kids that relieved me and finally made me happy for his match. And yes, I am revolted by these thoughts. I've done a lot of stupid thing in my lifetime, but how could I ever be happy for someone who couldn't have kids? What kind of dark person rejoices at that? But I guess I now know why I was initially upset! Human behaviour, especially the maternal type is very subtle and confusing at times.
I am excited for this new phase of our family's life.