I Am Sad

Someone I've had a decades long, complicated relationship with has recently died, so I know a little how you feel. As I drift into sleep, I am jarred by the absurdity of it. How can he just... not exist anymore? It doesn't even seem logical. So I have to go with my gut on this one. He simply doesn't "not exist" anymore, and I have no choice but to believe that. Because all we shared, argued about, experienced together, exists in its own right, just as it would were he still alive. In spite of that, I still cannot help but feel sad. My future here can't include him, and that's tough.