I Am Sad

Yesterday I caught up with a friend I have been estranged from most of this year. I seem to bring out the very worst in her and after a very big misunderstanding earlier, I felt it best to stay away. That was, until yesterday. I have missed her, I've missed our chats and our laughs. Yesterday morning I just had an inkling and a kick of confidence to go visit her. It is clear this won't be a regular thing, but it was a relief to catch up after so many months of silence.

The friend I saw sitting opposite me yesterday had become even less of the shadow she was before. Physically, emotionally and mentally. She is at her very lowest, and knows that it's her mental health causing her trouble, but still, she refuses to seek help. To sit there and listen to her tell me how she fantasises about death and foiled suicide attempts is heartbreaking. Here is a person who doesn't want to be saved. Who doesn't want to know there is solution for her deep dark pit. I realise my next statement is going offend many people, but as I sat there and looked into her hollow eyes, I knew the only way she was ever going to find peace, was indeed in death. And I decided if I knew the time and date of her next planned demise, I would not interfere. And that makes me sad.