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SW-User
Love is a funny thing. While I love the woman deeply in my heart, in her grief. I know from her response to me, I know I can never again love her the way I once did. She once used on me how dissatisfied she was in our relationship a year after my father died in accident, to that I deserved to be lonely. I tried to heal together with her. Deeply knowing, I was one right now who I had presented, grief does that, and a year in from that she had an affair. Then we made up for years, those were probably the best years of our lives together, then she got upset tried to break up with me again. I wasn't willing to let go. So I fought myself back in. And I do know deeply, she's a best friend, she knows and see things so many can't, but I ended it feeling manipulated

And I should add this, I tried to help (I'm not saying I was perfect, far from it) when we found out her father had cancer. Somehow her closing of that placing me like I was the enemy courting her, referencing someone she had an affair just before my father died. I understood she won't get her position in my heart. O ye yee
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@SW-User sorry you went through that
SW-User
@DarkSideoftheMoon I don't need apology. It was two hearts consenting, but thank you.
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DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@joeblow sometimes i want to hang myself
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SW-User
Don’t let their behaviour run off onto you.

Hold your own.
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@SW-User okay. Im trying to reinvent my life
Pfuzylogic · M
I reconciled with my abuser/father but it first required me to forgive because I had some resentment over my treatment.
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@Pfuzylogic i think i remember you telling me about it. My mom was similar. From childhood abuse i got into abusive relationships and im trying to make a change now
Pfuzylogic · M
@DarkSideoftheMoon
Reconciliation isn’t always the answer especially if the perpetrator doesn’t see what they did as wrong.
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@Pfuzylogic they definitely dont
you could find the answer.. but most refuse to follow the trail back.. back.. back.. it leads far and to very uncomfortable places in our childhood.
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@Peacefulpanda and what if i go way back? Then what?
@DarkSideoftheMoon just see it.. see the shit you went though how you deserved better but didn't get it.. see how it formed you're very psyche.. who you are and how you carried that strange way of understanding yourself and how you formed your life around it. recreating the past over and over again.. because it's what you knew.. what you were comfortable with. it's a tragedy.. it's your tragedy.
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@Peacefulpanda yeah. I guess that's what I'm doing now. Being aware of it.
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DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@SW-User i guess i felt i deserved that treatment.
I know. I still, somehow, had love for my parents, even after what they did to me.
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@SW-User wow. You should write a book! Ive ready so many books about abuse. Im sorry this was your life but im happy it's better now.
@DarkSideoftheMoon It's not "stupid" you, it's CONDITIONED you. It's garbage in, garbage out. It's just the mechanics of how it all works. Give yourself a break. It's not your fault.
DarkSideoftheMoon · 31-35, F
@PhoenixPhail thanks ❤️

 
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