I Am My Own Worst Enemy
[b]Social Anxiety PT. 2[/b]
In all sense of privacy and protection I will change her name to Becca for this story.
I met Becca in 5th grade. I remember her well. She was short, sweet, funny, compassionate, and confident. She also had this fun vivacious side to her with a subtle twist of mischief, which I adored. Now, I had had a few crushes here and there, nothing serious.. (Not that I ever had the courage to go up and talk to any of those girls, much less people in general). But this girl was different.. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but there was something about her.. As time went by we grew closer (though we spoke very little to each other because of the stupid social anxiety), which in and of itself was a miracle to me.. I had never had the attention of a woman I cared about for longer than a few seconds before, but she and I grew closer. we became good friends.
About two, maybe three years of getting to know her she and I were put into the same Christmas play at our school. (I'll write another story about that some other time) She and I had caught each other's eye a couple of times. as we neared the play I had made up my mind. I had the biggest crush on this girl and it wouldn't go away. So I was going to ask her out then and there. My mind was racing, and my pulse quickened. I clasped my shaking hands to my side before shoving them into my pockets. I was scared out of my wits. What if I messed up? What if I couldn't speak in front of her? What if she said she didn't feel the same way? I looked her way and she looked back. She flashed me the beautiful smile only she could pull off as I attempted to smile back. I was so nervous it probably looked someone glued a smile onto a pig.. I had to do this, I had to go. We had already taken our bows and everyone was leaving off the stage. I started to walk towards her way, my feet involuntarily moving. I caught up to her and we both said hi to each other but I couldn't gain enough courage to say more. I wanted to tell her how I felt. I wanted to tell her that I really like her, that I wanted to date her, and be with her in a long-lasting relationship, but my mouth stayed frozen out of fear.. We both left each other without a word.
[b]7 years later..[/b]
I had been friends with her on Facebook for a few years and I always found it easier to talk to her this way. One day we got to talking, and I got her laughing pretty hard. (She loved my nonsensical sense of humor) I decided now was the time. I had waited 10 years for this moment. and I had enough courage to ask her out finally. And I did! I may have been a bit wordy in my request from sheer nerves but I did it! She replied and told me it was a very sweet idea and she had the feeling like I had liked her for more than friends for a while. But then came the news.. She had already found a guy in college, who had asked her out. and with whom she was currently dating. It was that moment I wanted to die. I swear I could feel my chest eating itself up inside. She said we should meet sometime after that, to which I replied of course, and I'm happy she found a bf (He actually is nice, which I approve of). (I never meant to meet her though. How could I? I would just break down in front of her and her guy, and how would that be fair to the both of them?)
So long story not so short.. I had a crush on the girl of my dreams for years, and I waited too long. My social anxiety kept me back and now I lost her.. I'm better with all of this now but it still cuts me from time to time..
In all sense of privacy and protection I will change her name to Becca for this story.
I met Becca in 5th grade. I remember her well. She was short, sweet, funny, compassionate, and confident. She also had this fun vivacious side to her with a subtle twist of mischief, which I adored. Now, I had had a few crushes here and there, nothing serious.. (Not that I ever had the courage to go up and talk to any of those girls, much less people in general). But this girl was different.. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but there was something about her.. As time went by we grew closer (though we spoke very little to each other because of the stupid social anxiety), which in and of itself was a miracle to me.. I had never had the attention of a woman I cared about for longer than a few seconds before, but she and I grew closer. we became good friends.
About two, maybe three years of getting to know her she and I were put into the same Christmas play at our school. (I'll write another story about that some other time) She and I had caught each other's eye a couple of times. as we neared the play I had made up my mind. I had the biggest crush on this girl and it wouldn't go away. So I was going to ask her out then and there. My mind was racing, and my pulse quickened. I clasped my shaking hands to my side before shoving them into my pockets. I was scared out of my wits. What if I messed up? What if I couldn't speak in front of her? What if she said she didn't feel the same way? I looked her way and she looked back. She flashed me the beautiful smile only she could pull off as I attempted to smile back. I was so nervous it probably looked someone glued a smile onto a pig.. I had to do this, I had to go. We had already taken our bows and everyone was leaving off the stage. I started to walk towards her way, my feet involuntarily moving. I caught up to her and we both said hi to each other but I couldn't gain enough courage to say more. I wanted to tell her how I felt. I wanted to tell her that I really like her, that I wanted to date her, and be with her in a long-lasting relationship, but my mouth stayed frozen out of fear.. We both left each other without a word.
[b]7 years later..[/b]
I had been friends with her on Facebook for a few years and I always found it easier to talk to her this way. One day we got to talking, and I got her laughing pretty hard. (She loved my nonsensical sense of humor) I decided now was the time. I had waited 10 years for this moment. and I had enough courage to ask her out finally. And I did! I may have been a bit wordy in my request from sheer nerves but I did it! She replied and told me it was a very sweet idea and she had the feeling like I had liked her for more than friends for a while. But then came the news.. She had already found a guy in college, who had asked her out. and with whom she was currently dating. It was that moment I wanted to die. I swear I could feel my chest eating itself up inside. She said we should meet sometime after that, to which I replied of course, and I'm happy she found a bf (He actually is nice, which I approve of). (I never meant to meet her though. How could I? I would just break down in front of her and her guy, and how would that be fair to the both of them?)
So long story not so short.. I had a crush on the girl of my dreams for years, and I waited too long. My social anxiety kept me back and now I lost her.. I'm better with all of this now but it still cuts me from time to time..
SW-User
