Really sad to read the way, you feel....so sorry:).......

I think your feelings about her abandoning you at 8 are quite valid...mine did at that age too...emotionally...I would have preferred it if she'd just went away because she beat me daily...I know now that she was very very depressed and angry because she lost her own mother when she was 11 and she never got over it so she ruined her life and mine...the thing is...I really do forgive her. She had no clue what a mess she was....your Mom was a hundred times more lost than mine...drugs rule a person's life...the most important thing to them is the drug...she was in her own personal hell. If you haven't already, research the subject. You are grown now..the best thing you can do for yourself is work on forgiving her...and I know it can't happen overnight but....try to understand the hell she was in...this will heal most of your pain...forgiving her. Don't wait decades to begin like I did. Ignore the people who tell you to just get over it. You won't until you accept what happened and forgive her...she is sick. PS I was born on Mother's Day