I Think About Death
Finally there are more people in this group, I think I used to be the only one...I don't think about death anymore though.
I used to want out so badly, it's all I could think about. I used to cry just because I woke up...again. I would fantasize about dying and how I wanted to do it, when, where...the aftermath. Sometimes I told myself that I didn't really want out and that it was just my hormones making me miserable. I think I was right about that though. I stopped having my monthly visit from my gf a while ago and my quality of life has greatly improved.
Guess I am glad I kept telling myself that it was just my hormones. Because I may not of made it to where I am now...I think I will die when I am about 87 years old, of course I cannot say that with any certainty whatsoever but the point is, I am okay with being alive for another 40 years, where as before I would have just rather end it now.
It's just a shame that I had to be so miserable for so long because of my hormones. My thinking was all messed up, some days I hated everything, I lost interest in everything. I don't know why they affected me the way they did, but anyway that is behind me now.
If anyone wants to discuss death with me, hmu. I don't know if it will be fruitful but it might be interesting at the very least.
I used to want out so badly, it's all I could think about. I used to cry just because I woke up...again. I would fantasize about dying and how I wanted to do it, when, where...the aftermath. Sometimes I told myself that I didn't really want out and that it was just my hormones making me miserable. I think I was right about that though. I stopped having my monthly visit from my gf a while ago and my quality of life has greatly improved.
Guess I am glad I kept telling myself that it was just my hormones. Because I may not of made it to where I am now...I think I will die when I am about 87 years old, of course I cannot say that with any certainty whatsoever but the point is, I am okay with being alive for another 40 years, where as before I would have just rather end it now.
It's just a shame that I had to be so miserable for so long because of my hormones. My thinking was all messed up, some days I hated everything, I lost interest in everything. I don't know why they affected me the way they did, but anyway that is behind me now.
If anyone wants to discuss death with me, hmu. I don't know if it will be fruitful but it might be interesting at the very least.
