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I Am a Child Abuse Survivor

Not all monsters are hiding under the bed, for many the monsters are the very ones that are supposed to love and protect. The world is a scary place for children and when they are not even safe in their own homes life is a living nightmare.
Society can be judged on the way it treats it's most vulnerable. While no one would argue that the system is severely flawed, it's not the system that failed me. It was rather the other adults that knew of the abuse and chose to turn a blind eye. As a child it made me believe that I was worthless if others didn't care then it was the only explanation. As an adult I asked those that could have helped and didn't. I was stunned by the lack of remorse, although I can now see I shouldn't have been. Looking at things now with an adult perspective it's clear how utterly selfish these people were. They didn't want to go out of their way for anything but themselves and had no problem throwing a helpless child on the alter of their own happiness and security.
My Aunt now 81 and feeble calls, she's crying because my mother shoved her. What did she expect? My mother has always been a bully she will never change and no one has ever challenged her. Her own grandchildren want nothing to do with her and she is desperate to exhibit her nastiness. As a grown woman and not some helpless child she should have said something to finally put the bully in her place, she could cut off all contact with hers sister as she is under no obligation to be a punching bag. She said and did nothing, and neither did I. Instead I was simply grateful that this was a phone call and not in person where she could see me rolling my eyes in disgust at the utter selfishness.
You may only be one person in the world, but you may be the world to one person. My life could have been so much different if just one person had cared. Keep this in mind please when dealing with children and young people.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
People who murder people's hearts really don't care in the least that you think of them as monsters. They like what they do and think well of themselves. In some cases, like my own mother, they take pride in their sadism and will even brag about it on occasion. They see themselves as strong and valuable; they see their victims as weak and deserving of their sadism.

My mother once said she enjoyed watching me cry. She said, "To me, the sound of your sobs are like the sound of a fine symphony orchestra tuning up."

Never assume that these people have anything even vaguely resembling a conscience or are capable of empathy or shame. You can call them monsters but they will just label you crazy.

One of my mother's favorite sayings (from Lenin, I think):
"Fear is the great motivator."
She had a lot of highly "motivated" people in her life. If some thought her a monster she could live with it.
Arrow17 · 46-50, F
I can be related to your story. I have very nasty parents who hate me so much. They can't live without bullying me. They will be good to me when they need something from me. They are unbelievable parents who talk me down in front of me and my friend everyday.

I am so sorry for your horrible experience. Hopefully, you will find peace in your life.

I find Jesus that heals my heart from those wounds. I forgive my parents but I will never trusted them anymore.
[image deleted]
shadowplay · 22-25, M
for me the only one that did care turned out to be a pedophile. because my shitbag parents made me an easy target.i think lots of kids abused by parents end up getting targeted
by other monsters
revenant · F
@shadowplay yes they pave the way because it is familiar..familiar, family
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@shadowplay This is very true. I was molested by a teacher at my elementary school. Later, I found out he had also molested another girl as well as me. Both of us were the only two students who came from homes where our fathers had recently left because of divorce (which was very uncommon back then in the 1950s).
Arrow17 · 46-50, F
@greenmountaingal I am so sorry for your experience. It wasn't your fault.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
I know about this sort of situation. When I was a kid, everyone was afraid of my mother. No one ever said anything to support me. It made me feel alone, helpless, fearful and worthless.

You can read my Featured story under my profile:

I Wan To Know The Truth Behind My Family's Secrets And Lies.

It has affected me all my life.
curiosi · 61-69, F
I heard that "I was afraid of your mother" how the hell do they think it felt for a helpless child?
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@curiosi: If you read my story, you will see that people feared my mother for excellent and very understandable reasons. She could ruin their whole lives with one phone call. She could even have them killed. She could hurt or kill those they loved. And she did not hesitate to do such things. And she could and would get away with it, too.

Even so, it was very hard on me. I was afraid of my mother although the knowledge of how much power she had came into my life slowly, as I got older, and only in my later years did the real story of my unhappy childhood and adult life become clear to me.

I now understand how people felt. But it still makes me angry at times that [i]someone somehow[/i] might have found the courage to speak up for me and no one did.
Arrow17 · 46-50, F
paulwp · 36-40, M
I am so sorry to hear your story :(. Why wife was also abused growing up, and tried to commit suicide. I'm sorry people weren't there for you.
Tiusflow · 61-69, M
My mother was the monster under the bed. I understood the concept of rage before I ever heard the word. It took me until I was an adult to connect the scared feels I had that I could not name to her outbursts.
DianaGyana · 31-35, F
@Tiusflow I don't want to say you ruined sleep for me tonight but...🤣
revenant · F
And you can never look at life with the eyes of a child ever again...assuming that you ever did in the first place
revenant · F
I think early experiences give abused people some kind of 6th sense . what other people call paranoia and then later conspiracy theorists, Right or not, stuff got to be looked into
revenant · F
@curiosi wise words
DianaGyana · 31-35, F
@revenant true... I believe our survival instincts get overstimulated
revenant · F
lizzy96 · 26-30, F
In my paper for English on sexual abuse I argue that those who stand by and help sexual abusers ought to punished as well.
curiosi · 61-69, F
@lizzy96 Thank you I've often thought of that.
lizzy96 · 26-30, F
@curiosi When I was doing my research I got enraged at just how bad sexual abuse is and just how some people are willing to go to get money
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@lizzy96 You'd have to punish whole schools and neighborhoods, entire health care systems, and whole families. And people wonder why kids don't tell! Who would they complain to who wouldn't cause more trouble for them?
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@Uncfred I know that, for me and many others, just having someone listen who cares and believes us helps more than we can express.
luv2fish · 61-69, M
My ex-wife was sexually abused as a child by her parents. It has scared her for life. I didn't know that until after we were married. It was also the underlying issue of why I had to let her go and a very painful decision on my part, but she is happy with her lady friend now.
curiosi · 61-69, F
@luv2fish Healing the wounds can be more painful than the original wounds. That is why so many don't
luv2fish · 61-69, M
@curiosi She is a sweetheart and wouldn't hurt anyone. That's probably the reason why her parent who were to protect her took advantage of her.
curiosi · 61-69, F
@luv2fish Those that are evil wish to stomp out the light of those who illuminate them.
SW-User
I'm sorry about what you went through... It's good that you share things like this.
lubovont · 70-79, M
There are people who care. When you reach out with your story like this, you find them
SW-User
I am sorry you went through this, (sending a hug)
Peaches · F
😭 Been there too...I'm so sorry.
revenant · F
Familiar family that is what we have known and it is implanted in us now..family is what we know and we should feel safe but no. The devil you know,,,
curiosi · 61-69, F
@revenant My sibling saw nothing that needed healing. He was the "golden child", still......
revenant · F
@curiosi my brother was the golden child but has no contact now and decided to have his own family on his own
DianaGyana · 31-35, F
@curiosi golden child aka brainwashed flyingmonkey
please listen to this healing song..I always have so much trouble saying the right thing for stories sometimes...[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXbh9C7PNNg]
I believe if there is such a thing as hell, there's a special place reserved for sperm and egg donors who abuse their children. Mine included. The hell that is life for survivors of child abuse doesn't compare. It's often said that abusers were once abused and continue the cycle. Fuck that. Once you're an adult that decides to be a parent your first objective is to end it, not rinse and repeat.
curiosi · 61-69, F
@AnonymouslyYours We are not responsible for what happened to us as children but we are 100% responsible for our healing as adults.
In the case of my parents they were spoiled rotten! My mother was born in 1939 so the supposedly "greatest generation" raised her. They let her get away with everything. As a young child I witnessed my mother assaulting her step mother (she has no self control and is quick with the punches). Her father stood there begging her to "Please be nice". I was a small child but never had any respect for him as even at that age I knew it was wrong.
You may only be one person in the world, but you may be the world to one person.
Valentine · M
I hope you have some peace with this now.
SW-User
Very well written. You are so right.
SW-User
Im late, but what an excellent post.
Scribbles · 36-40, F
[image deleted]
Brandon101 · 26-30, M
Children are the most important people. And are more vulnerable which is why I give money to save the children
SW-User
I wish more adult women were aware of child abuse like you.
Mindful · 56-60, F
Ha this was written two years ago!!!!!!
Uncfred · 61-69, M
Oh I can relate to those words, not as the victim, but the one who has had to try and pick up the pieces.
I can only ask from a distance, does it get easier to handle?
curiosi · 61-69, F
@Uncfred For a time, then you realize that all as you have done is stuff the feelings. True healing takes time and is painful.
Uncfred · 61-69, M
@curiosi Thanks but I encourage them to talk about it, it comes out a little at a time, and it is uncomfortable to listen but I must. Then the talking stops and they relive the pain, and again all I can do is listen, I can offer no comfort.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@Uncfred Just being willing to listen helps. It matters that you care. For many of us, just having someone believe us helps a lot since we didn't have that when it was happening.
SW-User
I’m so sorry😔
lizzy96 · 26-30, F
youtube comment section is apparently also filled with hence why youtube turned off comments for the most family channels. Also apparently momo was found on youtube kids
Montanaman · M
😔😢💔🤗💕
Travelbug · 56-60, F
Sadly, many people years ago didn't really care or bother about child abuse so much.
Mindful · 56-60, F
What a coincidence.
mathsman · 70-79, M
Are you able to move on?
This message was deleted by its author.
curiosi · 61-69, F
Very sorry, evil is just beyond comprehension.
This message was deleted by its author.

 
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