I Have Ptsd
Back to the Drawing Board (written 7/26/16 12:15am)
So yeah... it's decided. I definitely need to get back on the therapy train.
I've been having a lot of re-experiencing lately, and my irritability has been building up again. The panic attacks are also starting to come back at night. It's pretty frustrating to feel like I've come so far, only to be pushed back again.
I don't know if I wrote about it, but I saw his car downtown like a month ago. That's when it started and it's kind of been subtly festering since then. Then things were made worse when I saw him this past weekend at a bar, and I don't know why...
I was able to notice him without fear (knowing that he has to leave the bar once he saw me, according to the restraining order), and I wasn't mad or frustrated. It pretty much felt like I had no emotions toward him, yet here I am now, sitting in bed, deeply breathing, trying to ward off an oncoming panic attack.
So yeah... obviously there's some unprocessed stuff dawdling along inside of me still. It sucks, and I don't trust most 'therapists', but it seems like I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board.
So yeah... it's decided. I definitely need to get back on the therapy train.
I've been having a lot of re-experiencing lately, and my irritability has been building up again. The panic attacks are also starting to come back at night. It's pretty frustrating to feel like I've come so far, only to be pushed back again.
I don't know if I wrote about it, but I saw his car downtown like a month ago. That's when it started and it's kind of been subtly festering since then. Then things were made worse when I saw him this past weekend at a bar, and I don't know why...
I was able to notice him without fear (knowing that he has to leave the bar once he saw me, according to the restraining order), and I wasn't mad or frustrated. It pretty much felt like I had no emotions toward him, yet here I am now, sitting in bed, deeply breathing, trying to ward off an oncoming panic attack.
So yeah... obviously there's some unprocessed stuff dawdling along inside of me still. It sucks, and I don't trust most 'therapists', but it seems like I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board.
31-35, F
