I Have Ptsd
Simple Triggers (written 6/2/16 2:14am)
I saw his car again about two weeks ago. It's been 7 months since the incident, and I was getting better. I could sleep. I was getting out again, making new friends, laughing. I was beginning to feel a sense of 'normal' again. But then I saw his car.
It was my friend's birthday, and he decided that he wanted to go bar-hopping with a couple of friends. As we walked past this fairly new bar in town, known for it's 'hipster appeal' and expensive drinks... I came to a complete stop as the familiar figure registered in my mind. I saw quick flashes of the struggle, and then I saw his face. I wanted to vomit.
My friends asked me if I was okay, and I shook it off, not wanting to spoil the night. We continued our night on the town and it was actually fun. I thought, maybe I was actually over it. But later that night I found that the nightmares had returned. I ignored it again, hoping for the best, and that these bad dreams would vanish over time.
When Monday came, I found myself looking around every corner and wary of every car that passed me on my way to work. I didn't feel safe again. I was back to where I started. Afraid to leave my house, sleep-deprived, and anxious. In the blink of an eye, my 'normal' was taken from me.
It's been about two or three weeks since then. I'm doing much better. It just sucks to know that this isn't over, and the littlest thing could trigger me in the future. It's frustrating to know that I've come this far, and all it takes is the sight of his car to pull me back to that dark place that I'd worked so hard to escape.
I saw his car again about two weeks ago. It's been 7 months since the incident, and I was getting better. I could sleep. I was getting out again, making new friends, laughing. I was beginning to feel a sense of 'normal' again. But then I saw his car.
It was my friend's birthday, and he decided that he wanted to go bar-hopping with a couple of friends. As we walked past this fairly new bar in town, known for it's 'hipster appeal' and expensive drinks... I came to a complete stop as the familiar figure registered in my mind. I saw quick flashes of the struggle, and then I saw his face. I wanted to vomit.
My friends asked me if I was okay, and I shook it off, not wanting to spoil the night. We continued our night on the town and it was actually fun. I thought, maybe I was actually over it. But later that night I found that the nightmares had returned. I ignored it again, hoping for the best, and that these bad dreams would vanish over time.
When Monday came, I found myself looking around every corner and wary of every car that passed me on my way to work. I didn't feel safe again. I was back to where I started. Afraid to leave my house, sleep-deprived, and anxious. In the blink of an eye, my 'normal' was taken from me.
It's been about two or three weeks since then. I'm doing much better. It just sucks to know that this isn't over, and the littlest thing could trigger me in the future. It's frustrating to know that I've come this far, and all it takes is the sight of his car to pull me back to that dark place that I'd worked so hard to escape.
31-35, F
