I Want to Be Confident In My Decisions

Confidence born out of thin air is just arrogance. Real confidence about your point of view can only come if you put that point of view out there and allow it to be challenged - [i]really[/i] challenged (ie: you actually consider the challenges and change your point of view if they make a good enough argument, at least to the extent that your ego will allow, which is also something that can be refined over time). It's only once a viewpoint has stood the test of time and been transformed by challenge that you can legitimately be confident in it.

I used to flail around trying to justify this-or-that point of view, especially in terms of the whole everything-is-infinitely-transformable,-the-world-is-inherently-good,-people-are-inherently-good sort of thing. It was exhausting - the mental jumping jacks I had to do in order to hold onto a view based on how I [i]wanted[/i] things to be, instead of on the actual evidence.

But over time I let those houses of cards fall, and built views based on real challenge and evidence - views that weren't as pretty, though they weren't completely ugly either. You're right that you can never be truly certain of any truth - but being legitimately 99% sure based on actual evidence and challenge is a hell of a lot better (and takes a hell of a lot less effort to maintain) than being 50, 60% sure about something and then faking it and trying to force it to be true.

Cool