Toxic Marriage [I Unhappy Marriage]

I haven’t even been married one year. This has been the worst experience of my entire life. I’m not gonna say it’s been all bad or that it’s been physically abusive or anything, but it’s been mentally agonizing. From being gaslighted, to my husband constantly being defensive, to walking on eggshells at all times, to crying for entire weekends and locking myself up in my room and having him not even text me or pretend I don’t exist for 48 hours, to one time leaving the house (which I never do) and him not knowing where I am, and him taking 5 hours to ask me where I went....why am I still trying? I think when he finally does “apologize” I picture the version of him that used to apologize when we were dating where he would really go out of his way to make sure I knew he was sorry. I think I put that image of him in my mind now and I don’t think he’s that person anymore. He keeps saying he doesn’t want this marriage to end, but I have a feeling we both just don’t want to have to end this marriage and that’s the only reason why we are still together. We do have good moments, but there’s been way more bad than good. He’s never cheated on me, but he used to do sneaky things behind my back when we were dating. Whether or not we stay together, the damage is done on my end. He’s really wrecked me as a person. I don’t tell him what to do, I don’t ask him where he goes, I cook, I clean, I make sure I always look good, sometimes I walk around the house in lingerie and he doesn’t even respond. And not to be prideful, but - I have a nice body and get compliments from men (and girls) frequently, so I know the problem is not me. Sex is minimal. We won’t have sex for a week and a half but then we do he acts like a savage, so I guess he does want it....? Just barely ever....?I’ve had girl friends tell me that’s not normal. I’ve actually wondered if this man is gay, but then I realize he checks out other women so I don’t think he is. It doesn’t sit right with me having to tell someone to act like they care or act like they want me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I know I deserve to be treated better than this because when I’m in a healthy relationship, Im an amazing partner. I basically wake up thinking “how can I make my partners day better today?”. Anyways, We both said that we never wanted a divorce (at the beginning before this whole mess). And every time we have a huge argument, he comes back and says he really wants this marriage to work. I need a man's input, here!! What is going on?! What does this mean?